Phone # 9 from mom 11/29/20 @ 4:01- lasting 25 minutes-   Mom’s outpouring – like I’ve said before- it’s like listening to a teenage girl trying to get all their thoughts out at once. I probably didn’t say 15 words.   (-:

Hello Cheryl, it’s your mother and I’m concerned that I’m just getting old, when you get old, you can’t decide what you want.  You think you want one thing, and you do that- and you don’t want that.  I just hate being around a bunch of people.  I still don’t like people.   I’m thinking of calling Deloris- and see if they need help with the farm.   Did I tell you that she got the money and Uncle Kelly got the farm?  That sounds a little low even for pappy- but by the time they buried him it might be that much.  Her and Uncle Kelly are taking over the farm- and I think that’s funny.  How far is it to walk from here to downtown Woodstock?   I don’t know maybe I’ll look around for an apartment- see if there is something where people are- I need to be around people.  It seems like there is nothing to do anywhere- maybe it’s changing – I don’t know I don’t like being old- I don’t like not seeing my children every day.  I bet it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. One thing that Paul is doing he’s trying to not be a close to ma as he was- because he knows I’m gonna die soon and he doesn’t wat to deal with that- that’s the impression I get.  everybody dies sooner or later- sooner is better – I think I should have died sooner.  I don’t want to be a pain in the butt, but I want to look around someplace else.  I don’t particularly like this…. it’s the part of the south where people don’t talk only a few people have talked to me.  As I walk by people, I say hello and they just keep walking like they didn’t hear me.   Oh well, I guess I’ll let you go you have more to do than listen to me gab. you think about where I can go where I would like it.  Maybe I should go back to Germantown I know people there.  I was just going back to look around maybe stay- maybe not- the people won’t talk there either.  How far south are we?  It’s raining.  I know that this is not something that you kids are particularly interested in– but I’d like to be closer to you and Paul.  I don’t know quite what I want.  I don’t know if I want an apartment or assisted living or go into an apartment or get a little house somewhere, I don’t know. I have to figure out how old I am again seeing how long I would have to stay in a place like that.  I guess I could go back into assisted living  I need to check into seeing how expensive that is  I need to walk around and see if I know anyone.  I’m not I’m sorry to say this but I’m not really happy with this place.  The trees are pretty- but in the south people won’t talk to you- do people talk to you?   I don’t know, so, but I got to think and decide what I’m going to do I don’t like this place at all, and I don’t think I’m going to like the south. If you don’t work and communicate with people at work no one will talk to you.  I’m too old to get a job.  You think of some things that you think I might want to do.   How’s Paul doing?  Is he still working for the same company? so he has it made- doesn’t he – at work- so he was talking about selling his house did he do that?  does he still live there?  Do you think I’m too old to buy a house?  I don’t know.  I’m going to ponder on it some more – because this is a very nice place clean and decorated but the people do not have a voice ….they don’t say anything to you. The men are pretty friendly maybe that’s why the women don’t talk to me . there are a couple men who talk to me every day —I’m getting very old and I don’t like it. And I don’t know what I’m going to do about it.  I’m not happy and it’s…… you know ……you understand me?  So maybe if I get through it will be easier for you – if you watch what I do and the mistakes I make and watch what I do that is right- maybe it will be easier for you.    Are you thinking about getting married, so you won’t be by yourself?  How’s the boys?   Are they playing ball?  I know I’m a pain but, you’re stuck with me for a while- Unless you decide to go back to Ohio.  I know that granny died pappy died did Deloris die.  So there is really nobody there- sounds like they are all dead?  well, I need a red star or something-  cause I’m not dead yet.  Probably won’t be long.  I’m beginning to get a little depressed and I don’t want ot get depressed.  I gonna try to get in touch with some of the girls—-  I can’t quiet figure out where I am do you know where I am?   I’m in Georgia? How did I get here?   I don’t’ see anything that looks like Georgia.  I might try walking by myself uptown Woodstock and see if there is anybody I know still around maybe not ….         I don’t’ know.  It’s not fun getting old.  Alright I’ll let you go.  I love you, bye.

4:47  20 minutes 

Cheryl, I need your help- I need to go to Ohio and get my money.  But I’m afraid to go – you see Deloris might have taken it all.  But I told her that you send them a dollar and they give you a dollar back.   I don’t think she understands.   Are you down here where I am?  Are you married?   I’m hoping Paul will drive me up there- I have to get a driver’s license. I’ll have to study the test- is it harder down here? I don’t know if I want to go back to Germantown how do you like it here?  Yes, people talk to you down here- you can have conversation with people.  I was in Florida and stayed awhile and met a lot of nice people there- I don’t know, I can’t hardly get myself together I don’t know how to express it.  Sometimes I have a feeling that nobody wants me here and I should go back. The reason I came back was because I’m getting older and I want to see how they are and their families are- I didn’t for a long time I could be very content to be by myself the older I got the harder it was to be by myself.  That’s why I came back -to be with people if I needed help somebody would help me.  I hope it’s still that way in the north- right now I don’t have any problems, but you never know what’s gonna happen.  I do feel kind of lonely- I know a lot of people— it was warm and you could be outside–  the north is not as friendly as the south – so I’ll let you go –    hangs up phone without a goodbye.


Cheryl I need your help- I don’t think I like it here- there is nothing to do .  I don’t think I can adjust to living in this apartment complex.  What else can I do?  I think maybe I need to go to Ohio to Germantown because I know it’s not the same people  I know but there are people up there, I know.   I’m beginning to get really nervous to be by myself- I need you to tell me what I need to do?  When I’m been in an apartment before I’ve never had a panic attack.  I don’t think I can live by myself I think I’m going to have to go into an assisted living place if I do that, I probably need to go back to Germantown.  Are you going to live down here the rest of your life?  Do you have some time to take me to look at assisted livings in this area.  I don’t want to be a burdon and I don’t’ want to be by myself.  At night I begin to get panicky.  I don’t want to be like that and I don’t know how to cope with that.  I think It’s because the people here are not very friendly  maybe I should look at another place or go back to Ohio where I have family and friends .  you know I wouldn’t be around them a lot but I would…..    I don’t’ know what to do … I don’t think I’ve ever been this confused or frightened at the same time.  I went to Florida or someplace to live and didn’t get like this  why am I getting like this here?   Right now my heart is beating about 50 beats a minute it’s just pounding…  and I you know I don’t want to be like this and I should …. Should  I go into a assisted living maybe where there is people and they do things? Or would I be better off just going to Germantown ? would I feel more comfortable I know I’d miss you….and you are going back aren’t you- know how long you been here ?  how old am I now- (82)  I’m older than that I’m closer to 90-  I’ll figure it out later but you know and it seems strange that I world come here and start being nervous and having excessive heart beat when down in Florida I didn’t have anything like that  but down there the people were more friendly —  I don’t’ know  I don’t’ know what to do  I’m scared period.   And I’m going to have to go into an assisted living?  Would I like that?  Maybe if I just go back to Germantown where there is people, I know aunts and uncles and that- maybe I’d be more comfortable.  What am I going to do if I get there and I get wacky?  Do I need to go to the doctor and ask what  the problem is  it just anxiety at my age that what I thought I could do what I did before— I would do that it’s not working the same.  Maybe and assisted living maybe if I check out some assisted living and see what type of people are in them I don’t’ know.  I don’t’ know what to do.  I’m really nervous about it. Cause this is a second time today that I’ve had —what do you call it when your heart stops and starts  do you know what that is? It’s more like I do know  I’m not going to worry about that now— I’ll worry about that when I go to bed  I don’t know I just—I don’t understand what’s happening  I don’t know why I’m getting so nervous and afraid  it is because the place I am? I mean you know I I I I don’t know maybe it’s  just something that will pass over . I’m I know I can’t do this everynight I didn’t have=ve any problems today I don’ know if I found a job—- and it would get better or if I should just go back to Germantown if I do that you will be down here  how many people is up there that I know is it the same group maybe I should drive up there one day and see.  I’m pretty sure Delores is still there-  I don’t think she’d let me stay her.  That seem strange that she would die  she was very healthy I think that is what is what I’m going to do go to Ohio-   will you take me toOhioo?  Ok we can go up to Woodstock and look around cause I don’t want to interfere with your life and I don’t’ want to be calling you all panicky  and crying you  all afraind  stulff  I don’t’ want to be like that.  I just want to be someplace comfortable.  I don’t feel comfortable here.  Course maybe if I look for a small house – maybe it’s the being confined- maybe that is why I feel like that.  Maybe a small house would be better- well you think about it and I’ll think about it.  But I think I’m gnna go back to Germantown  I think that would be best   I’ll go up and check it out. You want to go with me?  Ok good. when can you go?  Let’s go Saturday.  We will go Saturday. And look around and see what people are still there.  I know and that sort of thing. Wouldn’t it be awful if I couldn’t get comfortable.  Why is it that I’m  so uncomfortable I was in Florida all by myself — think about what’s wrong  with me that I’m doing this.  I was never like this in Florida.  There was always a lot people I was fine until I came in there and shut the door…. at the apartment- so it may be that I feel confined. And it’s making me anxious I might have to find a small house or something to rent or buy I don’t know.  Maybe I’ll go live with Deloris.  Ok alright thank you for talking to me listening to me and helping me.  I appreciate it.  I can’t figure out what’s the matter with me .my heart is just pounding. Ok thank you bye!  Hangs up.

Over and over and over again- this dance is gonna be a drag.   LOLOL 

 Bobby Day Over and Over   Just get up and dance- It helps with everything- even Over and over and over and over again.


Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen