Good Cop, Bad Cop –nobody wants to be the bad cop. I was the bad cop -in Dorothy’s mind-for a few years – at the time it was very devastating to me. To be honest it hurt my feelings. There is no rhyme or reason for it-it is what it is. The problem is we don’t know what’s going on in Demented minds. Maybe, she was punishing me for something I did years ago- but, I’m pretty sure she didn’t miss anything-she had eyes in the back of her head and informants (to this day, I don’t know who they are) that reported to her daily.
For the past several months, my youngest brother has been the bad cop. He’s already seen how she treated me in this arena, so he’s immune to the fuss. I, now hear all the made up, bad things she has to say about him- that she used to say about me. Honestly, it’s hard not to laugh- it’s much more fun than crying.
If you find yourself wearing the bad cop hat – my advice would be to relish in it! LOL (-: The tables could turn at any moment and your irrational loved one could make you the good cop.
The bad cop cannot say or tell them anything- period. This is why you need a good cop- one who can deliver the same news/or change – only then it will be accepted, believed and allowed. It could be something as simple as mom- today, you need to take a shower. If the bad cop suggests this- she will not shower until the cows come home. It’s crazy- you can’t imagine how many times I’ve heard “he’s not the boss of me, he can’t tell me what to do”.
Somehow – you have to accept and understand that it’s not the person you knew before- this is Dementia taking control. There is nothing anyone or anything can do. It is so sad.
Afraid, frantic, crazy, confused, paranoid, nervous, upset and lonely. This is the life of a Dementia person. It’s not pretty. People with it need somebody they can count on- someone who is always there to answer the phone -with a happy voice- willing to agree and just sit and listen. Someone they know is going to be there for them.
Sometimes, it’s overwhelming – to be that person.
Peace & Love,