Monsters Songwriters: Jimmy Hogarth / James Blunt / Amy Victoria Wadge

Oh, before they turn off all the lights
I won’t read you your wrongs or your rights
The time has gone
I’ll tell you goodnight, close the door
Tell you I love you once more
The time has gone
So here it is

I’m not your son, you’re not my father
We’re just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping I’ll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won’t you just close your eyes?
Don’t be afraid, it’s my turn
To chase the monsters away

Oh, well, I’ll read a story to you
Only difference is this one is true
The time has gone
I folded your clothes on the chair
I hope you sleep well, don’t be scared
The time has gone
So here it is

I’m not your son, you’re not my father
We’re just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping I’ll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won’t you just close your eyes?
Don’t be afraid, it’s my turn
To chase the monsters away

Sleep a lifetime
Yes, and breathe a last word
You can feel my hand on your own
I will be the last one
So I’ll leave a light on
Let there be no darkness, in your heart

But I’m not your son, you’re not my father
We’re just two grown men saying goodbye
No need to forgive, no need to forget
I know your mistakes and you know mine
And while you’re sleeping I’ll try to make you proud
So, daddy, won’t you just close your eyes?
Don’t be afraid, it’s my turn
To chase the monsters away

I am just hearing this for the first time just now- 3/24/23 @ 7:35 PM. I wish I had known about this song before mom passed.I would have changed the words “Daddy to Mommy ” and recited this to Dorothy during her last days. This. Is. Beautiful.

Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen

The Final Chapter.

Paul got the call at 2:00 AM on Thursday, February 3rd, 2023.   Dorothy had fallen.  They don’t know how she fell but, they had her back in bed when he arrived.   He left around 3:30 AM because she was sleeping peacefully. They knew at that point she had broken something- her hip.  Hospice was called and all there was to do was wait for them to arrive and assess the situation-and make sure she would be comfortable and pain free.   Around 5:30 AM he received another call- that she had fallen again.  He called me and told me what happened, and I told him I would be right there.  

As I hung up the phone, I realized that this call was different from the ones I had received in the past.  I was not upset, I did not cry, I did not worry about her.  It was as if God was there administering Grace in the fullest form for me to be able to do what I need to do the coming days or weeks with ease. I prayed for guidance and calmness to surround all of us.  It really was surreal. I got out of bed and headed towards mom to start our journey.  When I got there, they had moved her from her bed into the common area in a recliner.???????    She was miserable and in lots of pain.  The hospice nurse had not made it yet- I asked if she could have some more pain medication and there was no hesitation to give it to her.

The hospice nurse showed up around 9:00 AM and confirmed what we suspected- her hip was broken.  I told the nurse that we needed to start the process of getting Dorothy home for the end-of-life process. The nurse called her office and they scheduled for immediate hospital bed and accessories to be delivered to my house. I was given numbers for transport service and home care service for me to contact.  Hospice does not do in home end of life care 24-7 in Georgia.   {The federal funds Hospice receives are dispersed differently in each state.}  The facility that Dorothy was in does not administer morphine and there were no beds available at the hospice end of life facility. Which was ok with us- because knew we were taking mom home for her final goodbye.  I was eager to get her home and started on better pain management-and her in a more peaceful environment- the common area with all the residence and activity -was at times a bit overwhelming.

While still at the facility- Dorothy was getting liquid syringe pain medication every two hours to keep her somewhat comfortable.  The drugs were as strong as the facility was able to administer- but -not strong enough.  Dorothy was very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. She was able to be still and resting off and on- she was able to drink water and feed herself some of the sandwich for lunch.  She was communicating with me when she could as she was in sort of a pain coma- I reassured her throughout the day that she was on her way home.

She was soiled through the diaper, and through her clothes- they had to cut her clothes off her to change her- why they did not leave her in her PJ’s and her own bed is beyond me- or maybe she slept in her clothes that night- I’ll never know- I do hope they did not dress her- I can’t image the pain that must have been for her. After we cut her clothes off her and got her changed – which was a painful process for me and her- her screams were piercing. I put a button-up cardigan sweater on her- backwards- like a hospital gown- and Dorothy was much more comfortable, and I knew she was warm.  It was a long day!     

I was able to get transportation to arrive at the facility by 8:00 PM which meant Dorothy would be home by 9:00 PM.    The Drugs were to be delivered along with the hospital bed by 6:00 PM.  I was also able to get in home care to come in for the coming days from 10AM- 8PM, I wanted to be with mom during the night shift. It was a long day.   Paul was at my house to make sure everything was warm and settled for mom’s arrival.

At 8:00 PM the transport vehicle- arrived and they got her moved from the recliner into the gurney- again a very painful process.  I led the way home with Dorothy and her drivers close behind.  As we were driving home- I noticed how calm and peaceful the evening and the drive was.  The moon was almost full and shining very bright- the stars were out, and I said out loud- “Mom, what a lovely last ride on this side of heaven you are getting”.

We arrived with Paul waiting for us at the door- as I said – he had made sure moms’ room was comfortable and the medicine was there.   The transport gentlemen were so gentle and careful moving mom in the house and onto the bed- even though it was very painful, and her screams were heard once again.  Once she was settled- we made her as warm and as comfortable as possible.   I started the morphine right away. Which I had no idea what I was doing- I was given instructions on how much and how to give at the facility.  Just one dose- every two hours.  It helped a little and it was a tough night for her. She was still in pain and very agitated. It was a long, restless, sleepless night. She was constantly trying to get up and out of bed- at one point I was trying to calm her down as she was trying to get out of bed and walk.   I told her that she had broken her hip and she had to stay still.  She insisted that she had to walk- I asked her where she was walking too – she said that “Jesus said she could walk with him”.   This warmed my soul.

At 10:00 am the In-Home Caregiver arrived, and she was wonderful.  Mom was still agitated and fidgety -but the caregiver was very kind and caring to her.

Around noon on Saturday, Paul and I were looking out the window into my backyard and a majestic, white owl was sitting on top of the swing set.  He was unlike anything we had ever seen – and we couldn’t take our eyes off him.   We wanted to take a picture- but knew it would not do any justice from the inside of the house and somehow, we knew it was just for us to see.

Jessica, Paul, and I were in and out spending time with Mom –at one point we were all in with mom and she opened her eyes and spoke to Paul.  It was awesome. We all got the chance to have one last interaction with her.

Midafternoon I called Hospice and asked them if they could upgrade the meds -Dorothy was still uncomfortable and in pain- still wanting to get up and walk.  They said someone would be here soon to assess Dorothy and make the call at that time.  When they arrived – they did not need to assess much- they started her on a double dose of morphine right away and they added another pain pill that we were to dissolve in water to give her by liquid syringe every 4 hours.   The rest of the evening and night was a bit more calm- but mom was still suffering.

Sunday first thing I called Hospice and told them that we would have to cut back on the double dose because there was not enough medicine to last the entire day.  They said that the doctor had approved more morphine at 10:00 PM the night before and we were to get the medication sometime on Sunday.  Since they couldn’t pinpoint the delivery, we had no other choice than to cut it back. I hated having her at a comfort level then backing off.  Late Sunday afternoon the meds and the Hospice nurse showed up around the same time.  So, they doubled her meds right away.  The nurse also added another pill to be diluted and given to mom every other time with the morphine.  We were to double morphine and do one or the other pill every two hours.   This they said would calm her and keep her pain free. 

It took until about 1:00 AM Monday morning for Dorothy to be totally calm.  The death rattle had started around 11:00 PM.   And it was somewhat of a lullaby for me- I was sucked into the rhythm of her breathing.   At 3:00 AM she was totally calm.  While I had prayed all along with her during since she was home and sang Amazing Grace to her- I was drawn to read her the 23rd Psalm along with the prayers and singing around.   I told her again how much she was loved and appreciated how proud I was of her and how brave she had been here on Earth.   At 4:00 she was still in the rhythm, and I was still calmed by it.  At 4:30- she stopped breathing.  She was warm and just gone.    I sat with her for a bit and was in wonder of her beauty and peacefulness.  Then I went outside to see if I could see her spirit soaring through the full moon, starry night.  I was hoping to see the majestic white owl that had come to guide her home.   All I saw was the splendor of the morning- before the dawn- when it’s the darkest.   I knew because the moon and the stars were so bright- that the owl and her had a safe, clear path to heaven.

I went back in- held her had one last time -then called Paul.   He came over and had his moments with her.   I called Hospice- they were there within the hour to call the TOD.   The funeral home came, and I watched as they prepared her for her body to be transported with dignity and style out of the house and down the road.  There are so many memories I will cherish of her alive and well- happy and full of life- as I will cherish this time with her to help her on her journey to Heaven. It was Monday February 6, 2023.

Dorothy’s life is over.  She has gone home.   She is not suffering anymore.   Her memory restored. She is reunited with her loved ones.  I believe that she is in her happy place with her people and God in Heaven.  

It’s only been 9 days since Dorothy went home- but it seems so much longer.   The emotions are intertwined within me.  Sadness, joy, happiness, love, loss……….  all I have is my faith in knowing what I know.

I love you mom!

Dorothy Lee Branham Boyer Cherry

February 22,1937- February 6,2023        31,395 days

Go Rest High on That Mountain-   Vince Gill, Alison Krauss, Ricky Skaggs

If I had Wings- Dolly Parton

Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen

The Decline continues…….

Another call today concerning Dorothy – from the hospice nurse. Mom might have had a heart attack- or maybe another mini stroke- something is going on with her and she is on the decline. They will keep a close eye on her the next week and see if she rebounds or not.

Two days ago I went to visit her and she was asleep at 10:00 AM- I did not disturb her. It’s obvious that she is slowing down and getting more confused and just “off”- sleeping more- and sort of living in slow motion. I spent several hours with mom yesterday and it was a great visit. We sat in her room with our chairs facing the the great outdoors. I thought to myself that I needed to go get some winter flowers and put them outside her window- so there is some color to her muted view. Our conversation was upbeat- every time she wanted to cry or be sad- I redirected her to a totally different question- which diverted the tears. I know she is scared and feels alone and totally confused. As her sister- as she thinks I am – it’s my job to help her feel safe, loved and comforted. When we parted she was happy at the lunch table with a big smile on her face. I did the best I could and I feel fine.

It will be interesting how this episode will play out. Will she recover like she did with the mini strokes a few months back? Or will she spiral further? All I can do is pray for Mercy and Grace. As she once told me ” Cheryl, there are things worse than death”. And the older I get- and the more I watch her go through this journey- the more I totally understand what she meant -by these words of wisdom.

The tears they come and they go. I know it’s a roller coaster and I try not to dwell on the sadness of it all. It is hard not to- not to just break down daily. But, then again to breakdown and recover makes you stronger- no pain no gain.

Most of us have lost a parent, partner, child, sibling or grandparent- a guardian who loved us totally and unconditionally. Someone who was there for us no matter what the circumstance. Someone we always knew we could turn to for the truth- no matter what. One thing for sure— watching them suffer and watching their light grow dimmer with each passing day is not for weaklings. Not everyone can do this- and some of us can only do it with certain people. And that is ok, no-one has the right to judge you- especially yourself on yourself- and remember it’s all part of the plan. We live and we die- all differently and in our own time.

Part of the Plan- Dan Fogelberg

I have these moments all steady and strong
I’m feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know, I’m all worried and weak
And I feel myself starting to crumble

The meanings get lost, and the teachings get tossed
And you don’t know what you’re gonna do next
You wait for the sun but it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message comes through

And it says to you
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That’s a part of the plan
Await your arrival
With simple survival and
One day, we’ll all understand
One day, we’ll all understand
One day, we’ll all understand

Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen

I’ve watched and am watching you…

I’ve watched you since I was born mom – and I’m still watching you.

I watched you- when I was little- to learn how to do things- communicate, walk, cook, clean, think, process, garden, and make the best blackberry jam ever. (-:

I watched how you reacted to certain situations, and when you chose not to react.

 I watched you love us -and comfort us when we were broken. Fight for us when you thought we needed protection.

I’ve watched you adjust and re-adjust, raise 4 babies, and make it work – sew, cook, be a wife, in the PTA, a girl scout leader, a boy scout leader, hold down a job outside the home and be the best you could be.

I watched you be a wonderful nurse to all of your children then in the working world to care and support.

I watched you punish us to make us better humans.

I’ve watched you help us with broken hearts or egos, give suggestions and opinions, lend a helping hand- and I’ve watched you reject helping hands.

I’ve watched you care deeply, lose the love of your life, and put your life back together afterwards and work hard for what you accomplished. I’ve watched you be successful throughout your life.

I’ve watched you watch your children leave the nest, then embrace grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I’ve watched you love, laugh, and dance. I watched you create and delegate, prosper and grow. I watched you pray and believe, be disappointed and deceived. 

I’ve watched you for over 66 years.  And I’m still watching you. 

These days, I’m watching you slowly forget – you don’t remember dad anymore, you don’t remember two of your sons, you don’t remember where you are, you don’t remember what day, week, month, year it is.  You can’t remember our conversation we had 15 seconds ago; you can’t remember I was there a few minutes after I leave.  I’m watching you not remember anything and some days it’s painful.  Some days you don’t know who I am.  I’m watching and learning.

I’m watching you make things up, sometimes you believe them and sometimes I think you say them just to talk.

I’m watching you breakdown and cry when I come to see you, other days you are happy to see me, somedays you sing your song as to where you are, how did you get here and when can you go home.

 I’m watching how confused you are, how you are handling it, how you maintain. I’m, watching you get through the night only to wake up the next day not knowing where you are or how you got there.

I’m watching you fade away, not knowing what is going on.  I’m watching you forget the most common of things you’ve used all your life and what they are used for.

I’m watching and I’m sorry, sorry there is nothing that can be done for you, sorry that they have not even scratched the surface of Dementia, sorry that I cannot nurse you through the end of your life any better than I am.  Sorry that you feel so lonely, confused, deserted and isolated.

I’ll be watching you till the end. Then, I’ll remember watching you and wonder how I will get along without watching you.

Love you mom,

 Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

Featured

downward … caution- kinda gross….

Dorothy is changing- and not for the better. She is more angry, more sad, more frustrated more frightened. Everyone is out to get her or to kill her. They beat her up – they held her down and kicked her legs- they almost smothered her. She is paranoid. I hate it for her. She is so unhappy. She is not Dorothy. Does she really believe this? Is she revisiting a movie or TV show?  I don’t know- all I know is this sucks! I went last weekend to see her – it warmed up enough outside- for me to feel good about giving her a shower. She wanted to pee before she took a shower- but didn’t know where to go. She was standing right in front of the toilet. I helped her find her seat and the next thing I see is her reaching behind and trying to pull the poo out. I was so grossed out! I told her firmly to stop! Stop! You don’t need to do that. She stated that she had to do this to get it to come out. AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH  !!!!!!!!!!!!!      I redirected her to the sink- to wash her hands then into the shower. I was so shocked and so brokenhearted to see this stage that I could hardly keep it together. After we finished the shower- which she loves- dressed and hair dried- I took her out from the bathroom where Paul was waiting for her. I went back into the bathroom and wept. And Wept. I don’t understand what the heck is going on and why it is happening to my mom. It is so hard to experience first hand, It is so had to start yet another year of this downhill spiral. How much farther down into the debts of dementia must she travel? Will I be able to continue this journey with her? How much worse will it get? After I composed myself, I went to find the nurse and let her know what happened- she looked at me with compassion- this is something that doesn’t bother her anymore- these stages are as normal to her as the sun setting at night. She said she could not tell me much of anything- that this happens and it’s just another smack in the face to the demented. It’s so hard to see, to be apart of, to travel this journey. I can only  hope that this it is not hard for mom. That she truly does not know what she is doing or what is going on.  I hope she does not have any realization of what is happening to her. I hope this will pass soon. I hope the God Lord will have Mercy and Grace on her and take her on home. Life changes you as you go through it. from a baby- to a toddler- to a teen- to a legal 21 year old- to a wife, a mother a grandmother- the losses we experience along the way. The love, joy and excitement of our accomplishments- of our partner, our children , our children’s children and our friends and foes. The love – the loss- the trials- the victories- Life at it’s finest.  I never dreamed  that I would be watching my mom experiencing this living death. I’m hanging in there and watching. Love and Light, Cheryl Doreen

And as we wind on down the road…

It’s been a rough few weeks for me- not Dorothy. Dorothy remains the same. Locked inside a mind that is not working properly. Her spirit and heart are still good, she’s happy and positive most of the time. She cries for her Granny and her sister. She is confused and doesn’t know why she can’t go home. She knows me and lights up when I visit. She loves the shower pounding on her back and the hairdryer blowing her hair dry. She appreciates me, she tells me sometimes when she is

“with it” and these times are when I cry. And I ask Why- Why? Why is this happening to my mom?

A dear friend of mine went to a funeral the other day and the Preacher told the family that is was ok to ask “Why”, because by asking why, you are keeping the line of communication open between God and the loved one you just lost. She, like I had never heard this way of thinking. It has always been ” You can’t ask Why” – because you will get no answer. You don’t get an answer by asking Why- either. So, I’m gonna start asking Why more and see what happens to my mindset, heart and soul.

I lost my ex husband a few weeks ago- he had been sick for a few years and we all knew it was just a matter of time- but a long time out. We remained good friends after our divorce- life is short- and it is. We were hoping that the doctors and drugs would work a miracle- or at least a few more years of life for him. When his cancer spread – it was a fast decline. I was able to go see him and spend a few days with him-along with my daughter and son. It was tough and heartbreaking to see him in so much pain, to watch my children have to experience the loss of their dad. To watch his mother, brother, sister, nephews go through this sadness as well.

For me, the happiness of his end of life- was that he was surrounded by his high school sweetheart, the love of his life. His daughter was able to stay with him until the end. His mother, brother, sister and sister in law was with him every day- he was surrounded by family until his final breath. He left with no regrets. What a gift for him, to be surround with so much light and love. It was like he planned it to happen this way.

As I was driving back and forth – I thought about mom and wondered how Dorothy would want to go when it’s her time. Will mom want to go in her sleep- like she has always said? Or would she like to go surround by her family? And of course I wondered how would I want to go- when it’s my time?

Interestingly enough, when I was there to see mom the other day – she talked about dying. She told me she was ready to go. She was tired and done. So, I asked her if she was going to die before Christmas- she said she couldn’t do that- she would probably wait until her birthday in February. She wants to die on her birthday. This was interesting to me – part of me was like- how cool would that be? A full circle of your life here on earth. We will see. I just wish I could do more for her. But, I do believe I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing. And when I see her tomorrow she will probably tell me she is going to live forever. (-:

In honor of Norm ,who many, many moons ago introduced to me his favorite band- Led Zeppelin -here’s a few lyrics to their song “Stairway To Heaven”,

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all, yeah
To be a rock and not to roll

And she’s buying a stairway to heaven

Rest In Peace Norm.

Lots of Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen

It doesn’t get easier-

Dorothy is on the downhill slide- and there is no way to tell when she will hit the end of this life. She continues to spend her days helping those around her however she can- with positive energy and mostly happy. She lives in her own world, when she was about 6 or 8. She is stuck there. She does not talk about her children or her grandchildren ( with the rare exception of asking about Jessica and the boys). She thinks I am her sister whenever I go see her and she wonders why I have come to see her. She talks about Pappy and how funny and smart he is and how he will always take the time to help her- unlike Granny- who makes her figure it out for herself. She wonders where her aunts and uncles are and all the children. When I take her outside she talks about not understanding why Granny & Pappy bought such a huge house. She wonders where the cows and the garden is. She talks about her day at school and the school bus ride home. She talks about whatever is on her brain at that moment.

It’s surprising to me that listening to her stories that have a beginning, a plot and an ending- that if I did not know her I would think she was just a little old lady telling something that happened in her life and she is perfectly normal. She sounds natural- she can come up with all the words to form a sentence that can make you believe it just happened. She can go on about a friend of hers who just had another baby and the father is thinking of taking the older kids and leaving her. He has no intention of raising another baby. I’m certain that if a writer would come and visit her for a few days in a row- they would have enough material for at least a 5 year soap opera.

I still sit and listen, agree, ask questions and sometimes give her names of people she is searching for. I laugh sometimes and sometimes I look at her and wonder what the heck is going on with this disease. Does she know all that she accomplished in her life?

For me-it is not getting any easier- it’s just that my scab is so thick that it is going to take a long time for me to heal. The other day she looked at me and knew who I was – she was very serious when she told me that I had gotten old and why did I let all those wrinkles get on my face. She proceeded to count them- out-loud! LOL One by one looking very intently at me as to not miss any. She stopped at fifteen and said “Cheryl- that’s only just from your eye to your mouth”.

All I could do was laugh and say, well – I must have over 100 if you count my entire face. She did not laugh-but looked very concerned and said- How did you get so old. BAHABAHABAHA!!!!!! not something a daughter wants to hear- especially when they look in the mirror themselves and ask- when did I start looking like my mother and when did I get all these wrinkles.

It’s been a struggle for me this summer with Dorothy- watching her steady decline. She complains of her legs hurting more often, her eyes are failing her- both in seeing and the dullness in them now, they are no longer bright lights. Her balance is worse and she either refuses or doesn’t remember to use the walker. She fell again this week. No broken bones- no sign of bruises, but I’m sure her body aches from hitting the cold, hard floor.

I truly believe this will be her end. Falling and breaking a leg, arm or hip. Her wishes state to do nothing to keep her alive. This has been tough to accept- but I am finally there. So, we- will honor her wishes and let the morphine drip keep her comfortable until she goes home -whenever that may be.

In the meantime, I will continue to be her advocate, helper, listener and her sister or daughter – whoever she thinks I need to be in the moment.

Stay strong and do only what you can do. There is a limit for all of us. And remember you are not alone.

Not Alone Anymore – Traveling Wilburys

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Another First.

I got the call a few Friday’s ago- Dorothy had a mini stroke or a TIA- which resolves completely within a period of time. 48 hours is the wait and see time for this type of stoke. So, I spent four days and three knights with mom in her Memory Care Room. Waiting on the end, or more TIA’s or a full recovery.

When I arrived- mom was dysfunctional. Her head was on her chest- she could not hold it up. Her arms were failing from side to side. Her speech was slurred, her eyes lifeless.

Since she was so adamant about not doing anything to keep her alive, all I did was sit with her and get her up to walk from time to time. Saturday her speech was back to normal and her head was held high- but, she was very wobbly on her feet. Hospice sent a wheelchair over for her and that is where she spend Saturday. She had her meals in her room and I would wheel her outside and we would sit and watch the butterflies and the clouds drift by . She was able to let me know that Delores and all her friends were in the room. And she wondered why she had so many people with her.

Sunday morning she wanted nothing to do with her wheelchair- so, I was close by and held on to her as we walked. We spent most of this day outside as well. During Breakfast she told me that Jesus had come to see her and she told me in detail what she had witnessed. I asked her questions and she answered matter- of – factly. She told me that she had to finish her assignment before she could go with him. I asked her what that assignment was and she let me know that she did not know- he hadn’t told her. But, she said that he did give her a real cool pencil.

She talks about school a-lot these days. She also still talks about her sister- who she thinks I am most of the time. With her comments on both days about her sister and Jesus, I thought for sure Sunday night when we went to sleep that the good Lord would take her home- but, he did not- it’s not her time.

By Monday Dorothy was her “normal” self. She was stronger in her balance and wanting to visit her friends. So, by noon I was out of there. I will share my experience with her on the inside- another time.

Death Is Only A Dream- The Stanley Brothers

Sadly we sing and with tremulous breath
As we stand by the mystical stream
In the valley and by the dark river of death
And yet ’tis no more than a dream

   Only a dream, only a dream
   Of glory beyond the dark stream
   How peaceful the slumber, how happy the waking
   Where death is only a dream

Why should we weep when the weary ones rest
In the bosom of Jesus supreme
In the mansions of glory prepared for the blessed
For death is no more than a dream………………………

It’s not time for Dorothy to dream.

Peace, Love & Light,

Cheryl Doreen

You never know what a day holds…..

I was headed up mom’s- to talk to someone in “charge”. I like to let them know I am paying attention and I ask for clarification every now and then on how this or that is supposed to be handled. Mostly, the cleaning schedule and food choices. When I got a call from the nurse that mom had her earring post back– stuck in her ear and they could not get it out.

When I arrived, mom was in her room- unmaking the bed. She had stuff arranged everywhere and she was in full dementia mode. I greeted her with “hello mom” and a big hug. Then asked her what she was doing and if she needed help. She said she was packing up- I told her that today was not the day she was going home. She looked at me with certainty and stated that she knew that and that the divorce would be final in the morning. So, I asked her if she was happy about it. ” Well of course I am- he’s a no-good man who just chases women”.

My dad died back in ’81 still married to mom- and as far as I knew they were happy. She remarried a man and supported him through chiropractic school- they moved to Texas and opened a practice. After a few years she caught him cheating with someone in the office. She filed for divorce. I wonder if that was where her mind was at those moments in time. I’ll never know.

Anyway, I got her settled down and I tried to see if I could remove her earring- nope. She is a tough lady but the pain was too much. So- off we went to the Urgent Care. What a delightful experience we had at the Wellstar Urgent Care Center on Cobb Parkway North -in Acworth. The ENTIRE staff was excellent! It as such a wonderful experience, if I need Urgent Care- I will travel there. The check in ladies were very pleasant, the nurse was the best ever with mom! and Dr. Z was so relaxed, and calm and treated her just like a child- and honesty that is a compliment. We were there a total of 30 minutes.

She had no idea what had happened 30 seconds after the procedure – or even where we were when we were walking out. But, she did smile and wave good bye to everyone and everyone returned the wave and the smile. It was such a God Wink!

On the way home she was confused and talked randomly about Granny- I just answered as she would want me to at the “time of her mind” she was in. It’s ok, in 15 seconds she doesn’t remember anyway- so why get her more confused or upset in 10 seconds with a “correct” answer?

Note to self and to those of you out there. Take the earrings out of moms ears-add it to the things to do list.

Gretchen Wilson- The Earring Song (-:

Peace, Love & Light,

Cheryl Doreen

Still going strong…sort of….

Dorothy has been slowly crossing over to the next level – Stage 4. Stage 4 – weird- exit left is the only thing left. That -and the final dropping of the curtain. Dorothy has been a blessed woman, she’s been loved, she has loved , she has had many joys and accomplishments and I’m grateful that I got to travel through this life with her.

These days she has no interest in going outside anymore. Sometimes she does not even feel like getting out of her chair and walking me to the door. She’s tired and getting worn down. But, even in her confusion- she is giving help to those in greater need than she. I wonder what her last act of kindness will be.

All I know for sure– that these days– even in the moment –she is not sure what is going on. She will be talking about something and in mid sentence forget what she was talking about. She will laugh at herself and just say ” oh well”!

She also rambles about things that are weird- to her they are not- but to the listener they are way out there. Where does she come up with this stuff? Was it actually reality at some point in her life? Is it from a book that she read in the past? Is it a movie or TV show that she watched? Or is it her creative Imagination? I will never know.

I am content that she is not mad or unhappy- she’s just confused. And I can deal with that.

I hug her, I care for her, I listen to her, I tell her I love her, I accept her as she is- these are the things I can do.

Sweet Child of Mine – Guns & Roses

She’s got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry

Whoa, oh, oh
Sweet child MOM o’ mine
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Sweet MOM of mine

…………………

I pray that God shows her Grace and Mercy.

Love, Light and Peace,

Cheryl Doreen