downward … caution- kinda gross….

Dorothy is changing- and not for the better. She is more angry, more sad, more frustrated more frightened. Everyone is out to get her or to kill her. They beat her up – they held her down and kicked her legs- they almost smothered her. She is paranoid. I hate it for her. She is so unhappy. She is not Dorothy. Does she really believe this? Is she revisiting a movie or TV show?  I don’t know- all I know is this sucks! I went last weekend to see her – it warmed up enough outside- for me to feel good about giving her a shower. She wanted to pee before she took a shower- but didn’t know where to go. She was standing right in front of the toilet. I helped her find her seat and the next thing I see is her reaching behind and trying to pull the poo out. I was so grossed out! I told her firmly to stop! Stop! You don’t need to do that. She stated that she had to do this to get it to come out. AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH  !!!!!!!!!!!!!      I redirected her to the sink- to wash her hands then into the shower. I was so shocked and so brokenhearted to see this stage that I could hardly keep it together. After we finished the shower- which she loves- dressed and hair dried- I took her out from the bathroom where Paul was waiting for her. I went back into the bathroom and wept. And Wept. I don’t understand what the heck is going on and why it is happening to my mom. It is so hard to experience first hand, It is so had to start yet another year of this downhill spiral. How much farther down into the debts of dementia must she travel? Will I be able to continue this journey with her? How much worse will it get? After I composed myself, I went to find the nurse and let her know what happened- she looked at me with compassion- this is something that doesn’t bother her anymore- these stages are as normal to her as the sun setting at night. She said she could not tell me much of anything- that this happens and it’s just another smack in the face to the demented. It’s so hard to see, to be apart of, to travel this journey. I can only  hope that this it is not hard for mom. That she truly does not know what she is doing or what is going on.  I hope she does not have any realization of what is happening to her. I hope this will pass soon. I hope the God Lord will have Mercy and Grace on her and take her on home. Life changes you as you go through it. from a baby- to a toddler- to a teen- to a legal 21 year old- to a wife, a mother a grandmother- the losses we experience along the way. The love, joy and excitement of our accomplishments- of our partner, our children , our children’s children and our friends and foes. The love – the loss- the trials- the victories- Life at it’s finest.  I never dreamed  that I would be watching my mom experiencing this living death. I’m hanging in there and watching. Love and Light, Cheryl Doreen

4 thoughts on “downward … caution- kinda gross….

  1. Cheryl you and I have this in common. My dad is in the final stage of dementia. He has taken a severe turn since the middle of November. I was asked to take him out of assisted living and so he went to the nursing home on Tuesday of this week. I got a call today (Thursday) saying that the nursing home cannot keep him because he needs more care than they can provide. WOW! I didn’t see that coming!
    I have read each and every one of your blogs with interest. I pray for your mom and my dad to go to heaven sooner than later. It is such a cruel disease that takes away all dignity. I feel your heartache and wish you better days ahead.
    Joan Hand

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    1. Hello Joan (-:
      I’m so sorry you are on this journey. Stay Strong! Lots of love and light being sent your way! Have you thought about hospice? Also, is he a veteran? There is so much help out there. Start with Hospice- then the VA if he was a vet. Let me know if I can help in any way.
      hugs!
      Cheryl

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      1. Thanks Cheryl He has been on hospice for one month. They have been a huge help. I talked to my hospice contact and he said he had never seen this situation. He encouraged me to call the ombudsman to make sure they are acting in my dads best interest. The ombudsman told me that I have 30 days to file an appeal once the discharge is filed. That buys some time but what kind of care will he receive in the meantime? And where is he supposed to go? Another move would be detrimental to him. Breathe in ……. breathe out ……

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