The Covid 19/ Coronavirus is still going strong for the most part- some folks in the world are throwing caution to the wind and have headed out to crowed beaches, parks and shopping malls. They are tired of being cooped up. Dorothy is limited to her “place” and I’m not sure she knows the difference- except at Sundowners time. I am content to set on the back porch, take in the fresh air and sunshine and let the rest of the world deal with the pandemic. I do get out to the grocery store, Lowes, and the post office- but mostly I’ve been in and stayed safe & sound.
I have been going to moms and dropping off flowers and candy and anything else I think she might be running out of every other Friday. For two months now we have been unable to go in and “they” are unable to come out. This week when I went, mom and some other ladies were sitting outside. I called in – to let them know I was there and that I had some goodies for mom. I just needed to know what the new procedure was. They informed me that I could sit 10 feet away and visit, just be sure to not cross the green line. They also informed me that they would get the package and make sure it got to her room. I was happy and surprised of this new development. I asked how long this new change had been going on- and why I hadn’t heard about it. They said “Oh, it’s only been going on a day or two”. Not sure if this if fake news or not- and since there really was no point of inquiring further- I dropped the questions.
I parked the car, hopped out, grabbed a fold up chair out of the back, (doesn’t every grandparent have a fold up chair in the back of their car (-; ) and I found a nice spot right across from mom to start our visit. At first, she was confused that I was not coming up to her and giving her a hug and was even more concerned when I told her I could not come past the green line and she could not venture out of her chair towards me. Once we had the ground rules – we were off visiting.
She started right in with her song- which all of you regular readers appreciate by now. And I let her “vent” for a little bit. Then I asked her if she remembered her first movie, she ever saw at the BI-JO the movie theatre in Germantown, by the way it is still showing movies to this day. You could see her wheels spinning- trying to get back to that point in time. But she never got there with a name of the movie- just the memory of going. I asked her if she liked the cartoons and the news of the war that they would give before the movie (we are talking post WW II and the beginning of the Korean Wars). She said that she did remember that and that the news was very depressing. I asked her questions about her teenage years for a little while and it really turned out to be a nice visit. I stayed about an hour and I was happy to have been able to spend some time with her- even knowing she wouldn’t remember 30 seconds after I left.
She called again as usually that evening and I did not say anything about being there a few hours earlier. The next day my brother and I went and we both had the same pleasant visit with her as I did the day before. Sundowners comes every night and you know what happened next.
The next day Paul and I went back over to visit with her- and she was not in a good mood or even happy to see us. She was “Negative Nellie” and her eyes were angry. She complained and scolded us for putting her in “this place” and demanded that we take her back to her house right this minute. (This phase took me back to my childhood lol) Paul stepped up and talked her off the ledge, by telling her she told us to never lie to her and to tell her exactly what was going on and why. She nodded in agreement that she did indeed tell us that and then he proceeded to tell here the story of how and why she got to be in “this place”. When he finished- she asked him if he had found the boys that had poured the poison down her throat. Paul told her “that never happened mom”. And she reassured him that it did, and she understands how he might not be willing to believe that it happened.
It wasn’t too much longer that we finished up the visit and headed out. I went back today and took her some short sleeve tops/ some capri shorts/ and some summer cardigan sweaters-to knock the chill of the air conditioner off of her when she goes back inside ( she spends a lot of time on the front breezeway) and her summer easy slip on sneakers. I asked that someone help her with filling up the tub with her winter sweaters and winter pants. She just happened to have on the heaviest winter sweater on today -when I saw her wearing it in 85 degrees -that I was sweating looking at her. I will say that where she sits on the front porch there is a nice breeze that runs through the breeze way. We had a good visit and there was no sign of anger- I kept her busy with memory questions.
I have to be honest-these past few months have been a nice break from taking her out every Friday- I still talked to her every night-but the break of the song live and in person was much enjoyed. It will be interesting how I choose to move forward with mom- do I continue going to see her several times a week for a short visit- and when this pandemic breaks do, I go back to my Friday follies? Time will tell.
I still believe that “sometimes in our lives we all have pain – we all have sorrow” Lean On Me (Bill Withers Lean on Me)
Love and Light,
Cheryl Doreen
Dorothy's Dementia 