Dorothy’s exhausted- I’m exhausted- Paul’s exhausted.
Some things are fun to do over and over and over and over again. Riding your bike, walking in the woods, watching a hawk float on the wind tunnel he has caught, playing with your kids/grandkids/friends, laughing with friends and family, movies, books, swimming, waiting for the first flower of spring to bloom,walking on the beach, gazing at the night sky-the list goes on and on and on. It’s fun! It’s fulfilling- I don’t take any of this for granted.
Listening to your loved one in a demented state is the total opposite. Gloomy-because it brings you down, miserable- because you hear their sad song over and over and over again, heartbreaking- because you hurt for them, frustrating- because there is nothing you can do change the situation.
It’s really hard to be focused and be able to surround yourself with a bubble so the negative baggage that goes along with listening to or caring for a loved doesn’t get into your spirit.
I’m pretty much focused and wear my blinders when talking to mom- especially on days like yesterday- she started calling me at 12:30- demanding that I come and get her and take her home. Not tomorrow, not next week but today right now. I Breathe in – I breathe out. The next question I ask is why? What’s wrong.
I already know what she is going to say- but at least the conversation is back to her and I don’t have to answer any of her questions. I just have to agree.
She calls me 6 more times during the day. It was not a good day for her.
I love you mom.
Peace & Love,