It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay to cry is a song I made up for my grandsons- for when they got injured, their feelings got hurt, or if they were disappointed because they couldn’t do something they wanted to do.  I sing it in an upbeat, reassuring voice while hugging them close, and it goes like this:

“It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to cry, you can cry if you want – if you want me to, I’ll cry with you, it’s okay to cry”.  

 It’s been awhile since I’ve sang this song with them– they are (almost) 8 and 10 so there is not too much disappointment in their lives these days, but on the rare occasion that they do get upset and or cry- I will break out in this song.   Usually the other one who is not sad will join in with me, and in no time all is well.  ❤

I walked into moms room for the weekly outing- she was sitting on her walker with a cleaning rag under her foot, after I greeted her, I asked her what she was doing.  She responded with “I’m cleaning the floor; I can’t get down on my knees anymore to do it”.   As soon as she said it, she broke down and cried.  I went and hugged her and tried to assure her it would be okay.  I’m assuming she was crying because she can’t do things, she used to be able to do- but I’ll never know.  I did not ask her why, but I asked her if she was going to be okay while I was hugging her and rubbing her back.  She started singing her song, “I don’t like it here, I don’t need to be here, I want to go home, there is nothing wrong with me”.   At this point her cry turned into sobs.

.  

I knew that in this moment there was nothing I could do or say to make her feel any differently -, so I left the room.   I started singing the song in my head and was careful to be very quiet.  I worked on putting her clean clothes away and stripping the bed.   After a while she came in the room where I was and sat down in the rocking chair.  I continued my silence and making of the bed.  After a while she started directing me on how to put the comforter on the bed, so I knew she was back.   I did as she requested and asked for her approval- LOL she replied “I guess it will do”.   

I looked at mom and noticed her damp eyes and the fear or sadness, not sure which- I asked her if she was ok, and if she was ready to go out for the day.  She brightened up instantly and said “Absolutely”.  Dorothy did not cry anymore, and she did not sing her song the rest of the day.   I can’t imagine what she goes through- dementia sucks!

We had a good day and we never mentioned the breakdown. At one point she did say:  I hope Jessica doesn’t do to you what you children have done to me.   I looked her in the eye and said “mom, if I get like you- I hope Jessica loves me enough to make sure I’m safe”.  She didn’t say anything.  

I know there will be more cry’s in moms and my future and to get through them I will be singing the song I made up for my grandsons- maybe next time she has a breakdown I’ll be able to sing it out loud to her.  

It’s okay to cry!

Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen