I’m just not fine

Mom called and she’s down on Paul tonight. This was her conversation to me.  I did not ask but a few questions-

 She asked first thing why Paul is doing this to me?  

Any little thing I do – he jumps on me like I’m 10- you know like, don’t touch that- don’t do that.   It’s been going on a couple months now and I don’t like it.  He is being so cruel to me. Saying cruel things and he’s hurting my feelings.    He is bossing me around and I can’t take it anymore.   I need you to ask him why he is picking on me.  I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to hurt him or make him feel bad   it seems that every time I’m around him it gets worse.  

Just yesterday he mouthed off about me doing stupid stuff- you know stuff like that…..I don’t think I was doing anything wrong.  It doesn’t come across very good to me…  I don’t know …

I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to him other than help him.  I did whatever I could do for him.

I always helped him when he asked me….. I can’t remember……. I just saw him yesterday and he said something really hateful to me.  I can’t remember what it was- my memory is just getting worse and worse.  I’m probably better off not being around him.  I guess that’s how I’ll have to handle it.  If you can find out if I said something that made him mad and hurt his feelings- I can’t figure out what I did to him to have him treat me like this.  Have you noticed it?   Or haven’t you paid any attention.  Anyway- I’m not going to do anything about it- I’m just going to stay away from him.  You know…..why should I be down here paying rent when I have a house I’ve paid for and  I don’t need to be here.  He’s just mean to me.  He’s just being totally …..“ I can do anything to you I want to and there is nothing you can do about it.  It really annoys me that I have to pay rent that I have to live in here when I have a house I paid for that is sitting empty.     I don’t want to make a big hassle. I might just go back to Germantown -so I won’t be a bother to anyone.   I’m sorry- I shouldn’t of said anything to you about it- you and he are big buddies.  You don’t have to do anything about it.  I’m sure he will deny all of it.  But, maybe not- I don’t know.  I just, I can’t, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.  I don’t want to be around him anymore. I’m thinking I might go back to Ohio and not be in your way.   So, I don’t know ….. I’m still thinking …..but I’m thinking pretty strongly about that- I want to be buried up there. I don’t want to be cremated anymore I want to be buried next to dad.  I’m sorry to bother you.   I’m just, I’m just not fine…..theres something wrong with me and I don’t know what it is.  I have no idea I think that maybe I try to help people too much and people don’t appreciate it when you help them.   I don’t know ….maybe I’m just getting old and crazy.  Whatever- …. I’ll get through it some way.  I always have and I always will.  I’m sorry to have bothered you- (crys) ok have a good night sleep. 

I love you mom,

Cries- I love you too.

Hangs up the phone.

Dementia is weird-she hasn’t seen any of us since March 12,2020.   And Paul was her baby- so, he was the favorite.  (-0:    It makes you wonder when and why their brain gets stuck.  ??????

I just listen, and agree and ask if there is anything, I can do to help her.   That’s all I can do.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

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