To be continued…….

The drama for Dorothy continues.  I get a call from a nurse on the night shift that tells me they moved mom on Wednesday- the nurse did not listen to the doctors’ orders and give mom a 24 hour stay they moved her anyway.  They moved her into an empty room with a bed- not hers- and a few random chairs.  All they sent with her was a toothbrush, toothpaste, a change of clothes and a pair of PJs’.  Nothing went with her that was familiar to her. She then said that she did not think it was right the way they were treating Dorothy and she felt that she needed to reach out to me. I thanked the person for having moms back. She told me that Dorothy was her favorite and she just couldn’t stand it anymore.  I was very thankful but- I was totally taken aback and totally upset.   One- because they did not honor their word to give us 24 hours.

Two- they did not call and say that they felt it was best to leave her because they had already moved her.  (which I found out a day later was their reasoning for not moving her back to her room.)

Three- I can’t imagine what mom must have gone through- having dementia and being moved is  total confusion and an anxiety increase on the person.   

I jumped into anger mode-better yet, mother bear mode-  I called and left word for the acting manager – it took her another phone call,  and an hour to return my call.  

I called mom’s friend Jan- who has been a God wink throughout this entire journey- she has helped Paul and I out on numerous occasions and guided us in the right direction. She is an Angel here on earth- not only for us but a ton of other people.  Thank you, Jan. (-:

She gave us guidance on what to do and who to call.  And we took it.

In my mind they were not assisting mom at all – they were just storing her in a room.  I was furious.  Upset of the lack of communication, lack of human dignity, lack of accountability, responsibility and lack of a call back from the acting manager, lack of caring.   An hour is a long time to stew. Also, within this hour my brother was on the phone with the police to see if they would escort us into the facility to see how and what the situation really was. The police said that they could not do that- that the complaint had to come from within.  Oh my gosh!  How scary is that?

I received the call finally and the tone of her voice was one of “what do you want now”.   She said Hello, how can I help you tonight.   I responded with “well, I’m sure you have already called the facility and asked what the issue was before you called me back.  That’s what I would have done”.   She responded that she had not called the facility- (which in fact I know to be false, because I was talking to the person who called me when she called them, the person had to hang up on me to take her call.  This ticked me off- but I did not want to call her out because I did not want to out the person who had called me).

So, I went into my concerns- moving mom when she told me she would wait 24 hours- plus I had talked to her that morning and she said nothing to me about mom already being back in memory care.   I told her that I did not feel as though it was in moms’ best interest to be moved without any of “her stuff”.  She assured me that moms’ stuff had been moved and all was well.  I called her out on that and told her that it had not.  (the person told me that she would move some of mom things into her “temporary” room for her. So, she would feel comfort.)    

We went back and forth for a few minutes me listening to her, and her “not” listening to me.  I finally said told her that I was a very unhappy customer and that she needed to figure out how to make me happy. She clearly has no clue on what Dorothy’s status is or has followed up in any way.  I finally asked her for her bosses’ number- (I have called the corporate office asking for someone to call me back- still no return call- about the non-communication with the family since the takeover of the company- I will call again on Monday).   She gave me the name, but she did not give me the number- she said she would reach out to them and have them call me.    Needless to say, I was still upset because I did not get the feeling of caring, accountability, understanding that I was looking for.   To me there was a totally breakdown on the way they handled mom- so, who else are the not “taking care of”?

This morning I went to the facility and took mom her card and flowers- as usual.  The caring receptionist was there today, so I was happy to see her.  I asked her if there was anyone in charge today and she said yes, and she went to get him.  As I started the conversation with him he said to me- “I’m not sure if I will be able to help you or not” I was like- well then there is no reason for me to tell you my story.    He then said, “well let’s hear it and see if there is anything, I can do for you”?    I’m still not getting any customer satisfaction here.  What is going on!?!?!?!

I told him the entire story and he fell back on the safety thing-(which I’m a fan of) and the Covid 19 -that these times are unprecedented that everyone is not sure what is going to happen or how long it is going to go on.  My response was that this will probably last into the spring of next year and that they needed to figure out how to give back to the residence.  They have had so much taken away from them.   Little kids coming in to see them and sing to them, the bands and singers who come in to entertain them, being able to go outside whenever they want, going on field trips, have their families come in to see them.   What are you doing to give them something back?  What safe outside area are you giving them?    He then said to me well, you can go to the back of the facility and look in the window at your mom if you want.    This is when the tears came down my face.  I was like- what?  And confuse her more?   No thank you- I’ll wait and see her tomorrow at my schedule time I responded.  After he had seen that he totally upset me-he said that he understood how I felt but there were changes going on and people were being held accountable and that a disgruntled employee must have reached out to me.  Their #1 mission was to keep the residence safe.    At this time I knew the conversation was over — I thanked him for his time.   He told me he appreciated me coming in and telling him of the issue. He asked me if the area manager had called me yet (which tells me everyone knows of Dorothy daughter _  id I did not mention the area manager calling me)  I said no- that I was not given the phone number- I was told that she would call me.    I left feeling still unheard and defeated.

I had not been home 5 minutes (it’s a ten-minute ride) and the area manager called me.  She was exactly who I need to talk to.  She listened to my story- took accountability for the all of the non-communication and said she would remedy that immediately.  She also agreed with me that Dorothy should not have been treated like she was and told me that she would call and make sure that moms world would be comfortable with all of her things. She assured me that this is not how they did things and she would look into it. She did stress that Safety is # 1 for them and I restated that no one there knows mom- everyone is new, and that mom walked the route that they felt was in danger- every day for two years- without a incident.- which is what they are using as a reason to move her to Memory Care.   She again said that she would look into the issues and if I ever need her to call her on her cell.  Which I will- Monday afternoon.  I felt like I had finally talked to someone who was understanding my concerns.

I hate that mom is going through this, I hate that I cannot comfort her with a hug. I hate that everyone is using the word Safety and Covid 19 as the reasons for the cluster muck that has happened at the facility.   Don’t get me wrong I’m all about safety- but I’m not about using is as a catch all or a reason to not do a better job or find a solution for an problem.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

2 thoughts on “To be continued…….

  1. Oh Cheryl I’m so sorry you and Paul (and your mother) are encountering this situation. I cant fathom what I would do. Your frustration, anger and sorrow has to be over the top. Prayers continue for you all.


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