The call came in for Dorothy’s biopsy- the left cheek is pre cancer and will have to be “dug” out- another biopsy to make sure they got it all. The other cheek is good- they will just freeze it like the rest of her face.
I saw mom yesterday and her frozen face look good, which means the nurse is doing a good job of keeping Vaseline on her face. So, next week we go for round two to the dermatologist. Hopefully, this will be the last visit. (-:
Paul went with me yesterday to see mom, and when we walked in and she saw us- it took her a few minutes to realize who we were- I’m sure the masks so, I pulled down my mask so she could see could get a better look. I could tell the moment she recognized me. She lit up! She then recognized that Paul was with me and her light got brighter. Paul walked her back to her room and her song began. (-: Is today the day I get to go home? She asked every few minutes. Why am I here? They don’t do anything for me here but feed me! Is another line she uses all time. Where am I is always in the loop along with who’s house is this?
I let Paul focus on mom and I went about finding her dirty clothes and what few nick knacks are left. She must think she is going home, and she wraps them for safe keeping in clothes or towels and puts them in her drawers. I find them, pull them out- ask her if she knows what it is, if she does- I put it back in its place. If she doesn’t know what it is I take it home with me. I can remember when she moved in, she was adamant about not having a bunch of stuff in her room, I wondered why because her room looked so bare. Now I get it. She did not want to be overwhelmed with the clutter- or with packing all of it up. Today there are only 6 things still out: a photo of her, her sister, and their dad together. A photo of Granny and Pappy, a photo of Cade & Cannon, a frog statue she has had forever, two blue angels and a stuffed angel on her bed. She also has a vase of plastic purple flowers – her favorite color, it’s interesting it is never in the drawers.
I helped mom with a shower and when she walked out of the bathroom, she saw Paul and said “when did you get here? I didn’t hear you come in- I was in the shower”. Paul just acted like it was the first time he saw her too. She loves the shower, and she always says she feels so clean afterwards. (-: At least once a week I know she’s clean. (-:
We visit awhile longer and it’s time to leave. Hugs linger a little longer these days and I know when we walk out the door, she will have already forgotten that we were there.
It’s interesting, there was a period of a few months that I didn’t think I need to express myself, but I find myself again having to write about this journey. Some days I cry and some days I don’t. But I am always grateful and thankful for the short time we spend together. I keep trying to push these current memories to the back of my brain- and try to remember mom when she was unbroken. I think that is the biggest struggle for me, the unbrokenness is foremost and sometimes it refuse to yield. I know she’s back there and I must keep forcing memories forwards. (-:
Love and Light!