I’m going to release on this post a bit of tears and sadness, some for Dorothy and some for me. I might post when I done and I might not, we will see if the keyboard still works when I’m done with the tears.
“It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to cry, you can cry if you want-if you want me to, I’ll cry with you, it’s okay to cry.”
This is a song I made up to sing to my grandsons when they were little. I explained to them that it is okay to cry. It’s an emotion- it’s a gift from God- it really is. Crying is a great emotional release it’s always there when you need it. By no means should we abuse it- and we don’t want to ignore it- just let it flow like a river. It’s a cleansing of sorts- a release of all our sadness, worries and sometimes anger. You must let it all out to make room for all the goodness that is waiting to come in. It’s okay to cry! I would also add a verse for whatever the reason was for the tears like “ if you fall off your bike or your trip on a hike- it’s okay to Cry”, “if you mom say no and your dad does too, or If you don’t want to take a nap but you know you have to- it’s okay to cry”.
When I get mom out of the “storage facility”- get her settled in the car, help her with the seat belt- these days she has forgotten how it works- I need to stop at the back of the car and cry for a few seconds. I don’t let it last long, but I do let some wetness seep out. I guess I could stand back there and have a good cry- then get it together and get in the car. She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting in the car waiting anyway. But, for some reason I just can’t allow myself to let go at those times. I’m always happy when I’m with her. Besides, I’d probably start crying again when she looked at me and asked me why I was crying. So, I let myself release the river in the middle of a commercial- or a hallmark movie- or while listening to an audio book while I’m walking or driving in my car. Sometimes I let it loose at a stop light or when I’m talking to someone on the phone- I have been known to mute them and them ask me “are you still there”. You just never know when it’s going to rain. And it’s okay. I’m not complaining- I just get tired, frustrated, and sad.
Sometimes I let myself slip into the mindset of why? Why mom? Sort of like what I do automatically when I hear of a mom or dad with young children- and when one of the parents dies unexpectedly or is diagnosed with cancer and die way before the kids need them too. Or when a little child dies or something bad happens to them. I wonder why – with all the bad people in the world why not take one of them? It just doesn’t seem fair.
But then I realize that it is our journey – God has the plan, and we are not supposed to question. This is a hard life lesson that I still haven’t mastered yet.
So, I’m going to cry for Dorothy, my amazing mom, I’m going to cry for myself, my brothers, my daughter, Cade & Cannon, and all of those who knew mom when she was “normal”. I’m going to cry for not totally understanding why. I’m going to cry because I know whenever I go see her, she will not remember that I was there 30 seconds ago. I’m going to cry because I am not equipped to take care of her. I’m crying and crying and crying. I’m singing my song, “It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to cry-
“ When your loved one has Demenita and you don’t know what to do, it’s okay to cry, when your worn out from the songs they sing, it’s okay to cry”.
Life is short- Do what you like and like what you do. Love, live, explore, do, accept, smile, open your hearts, be grateful, be thankful, be honest, be sure that those you love know how you feel- believe me- they can’t hear it enough. Just be the best that you can be- and give the best that you can give.
Connie Smith- Run Away Little Tears (-:
Love & Light
Cheryl Doreen
Dorothy's Dementia 