It’s the middle of the day and Dorothy is calling. She’s totally upset and of course confused. She is wanting me to go the bank for her and make sure her sister Delores cannot get any more of her money. I listened and I told her I would go and make sure she was not on the account. I convinced her that if she is not on the account- there is no way the bank will let her take any money out. She told me that Delores was very sneaky, and she could get her way if she wanted to. She instructed me to “watch her”. I agreed and finally was able to calm her down.
To be honest, when she called, I thought for sure it would be about dad, her husband, my dad died this day back in 1981, of brain and lung cancer. He was diagnosed in January of the same year and had a rough nine months. Thankfully the good Lord had Mercy on his soul and did not make him suffer too much. It’s hard to believe that I only had him in my life for 25 years- and he’s been gone for 39 years. Every day I think of him in one way or another, something will remind me of him- a smell, a noise, a photo sometimes it’s just a memory that sneaks op on me. When mom was of sound mind, we would talk about him and how good he was. Later in life – as she felt the ground slipping away from her – she would say “your dad had the right idea, he died young”. I wish he would come and get me, I’m ready to go.
I got a call today- one of my Teammates where I work passed on Saturday- he was 53 years old- 4 years older than my dad when he died. I’m 64 and as I reflect on the last 39 years or even 11 years- I wonder if I’m where I’m supposed to be and doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
I lost another friend I worked with years ago- last month, she was 50. And I have to confess that I thought about it then and I thought about it today. Why do the old have to stay and suffer and the young get sick and die? While I know everyone’s, journey is their own and we can’t question-I still wonder.
I continue to be available for Dorothy- a sounding board, a lighthouse when she needs it.
It’s 5:00 and mom is calling again- as I write this so I’ll log her conversation. :
She is telling me that Delores has her stored away. I’m here at the laundry place- I wanted to know if you can come and get me but you can’t because I don’t know the name of the place or where I am.
” If you don’t have time, I understand I’m really getting disgusted with her putting me in theses places. I don’t know what she gives me – she puts something in my food or my drink and it takes several hours before it wears off , she moves me and I know where I am. I don’t need to be up here and pay I have a house and I don’t need to be here. I think I need to go to an assisted living; I don’t need to deal with Delores, she is not going to boss me around. I know how she’ll be, she’ll be telling me what to wear and what to eat and I’m not going to do that. She told me that uncle Kelly got the farm and she got the money. But anyway, I don’t know where I need to go. I’m gonna look around and see if I need an apartment or assisted living, I want to look at both of them and see what I think….right now what I’m thinking is I need a small apartment where I can do what I want then I want to do it by myself and I know I can take care of myself. Did I tell you where I am? Im at a place that has a laundry place. I don’t know how I got here, it’s been a while since I woke up…I’m not going to be bossed around by Delores, I will need your help strongly with that I want to be by myself where I can do what I want to do when I want and I can have some- some peace and quite ( stops for a few to cry) give me a second- I don’t’ know how I got here- I wasn’t told that pappy died I wasn’t told it about it until after he was buried I called and asked her to come and get me and she said I didn’t need to go she wouldn’t come get me . that’s fine, I didn’t go to granny’s and it’s……. is something you can do about it without making a big deal I would appreciate it. It’s really not necessary to make a fuss. She told me that uncle Kelly got the farm and she got the money. I knew that was going to happen. I knew uncle Kelly would get the farm-but a I don’t think pappy had a lot of money – but he might have. I hate to bother you with all this. She’s not going to boss me around. She can take granny’s house I don’t’ care- I can take care of myself. I am almost back to normal- thank God so – but, I just wanted you to know and you know— she will I don’t’ know what she’ll take out of the house I hope she doesn’t take any of my stuff. I don’t know if she will let me have my clothes or not. You just don’t know what she is going to do. I don’t quite know how to handle it. You think about it and think how you might handle it. I’m not gonna fight with her —pappy might have and a million dollars and she can have it- I am not gonna lower myself to her. I feel like I have more since than that and that’s not the way to treat him. So anyway, I would like you to come this weekend and take me to the cemetery to see where they buried him. (stops to cry) I don’t know why I’m crying, but I am. I think that’s about everything I know. Except I want to get out of this place- how did I get here- there a laundry room here. I do want to get out of here and get an apartment. I think I’ll get one in Germantown I just hope she did not go into the bank and take all my money – I don’t know what to do can you help me? Do you have the papers? If you do that it will make me feel better- it’s hard to think that your sister would do that to you- that is part of her mind that she inherited from somebody. I need to get out of here and get in a small apartment unless somebody stole my money- we will find that out when we go to the bank won’t we. I hope it’s there. Ok I’ll try not to call you again – when do you think you can get here, whenever you can get here, I’ll see you then. Bye bye —Hangs up the phone. I only said a few words- “I don’t know mom; I’ll call Delores and see what is going on”. “I will go to the bank” I love you mom, bye.”
Sigh!
Walking Slow — Jackson Browne – It’s upbeat and I gotta thing or two to say- before you walk on by (-:
Love and Light,
Cheryl Doreen
Dorothy's Dementia 