Another hurdle

Yesterday was a tough day for me.  I went to see mom and she did not know who I was. OUCH!

She was walking and hanging out with friends when I got there. I took her clothes into her room and came back out and watched her.   It looked to me that she and her friends were looking for a door that would lead them to freedom.   They of course did not find it.  One of the nurses came up and was talking to me- then she “yelled” for Dorothy to come over- it’s always a big deal when anyone in the home gets a visitor.   Mom started walking towards me- unaware of who I was, I could see it all over her face.   As she got closer, she did the “I know I know you” but I can’t remember.    Ouch!   It was all I could do to keep from crying. Soon she was face to face with me and said the same thing “I know I know you” -all I could do was hug her and hold on.  I could not speak because my voice would break.   When we pulled apart, she said- “you’re Cheryl”.  Which was a relief to me, and I wished I had kept my sunglasses on. 

   We walked into her room, and I started talking to her with “Mom, blah blah, blah”.  She looked at me and asked me why I was calling her mom.   OUCH again!   I did not reply- I just re asked the question.   The longer I was there the more she remembered who I was.  We called Rosebud and she and Grams had a good phone conversation.  She adores and loves Rosebud- and it’s funny that she is pretty much “here” when she is talking to her.

 We had a good visit and a shower; Dorothy blow dried her hair, and I clipped her toenails. Just like going to the Spa.(-:     She was worn out by the time we were done.   She asked me a few of the questions she always does- and we went round and round for a while.    Finally, she said, let’s go see what happening outside.  I took this as my cue to leave- she walked me to the door that leads to freedom and she gave me a big hug,  she said goodbye, and then she sat down next to her friend and started talking.  

She was happy when I left.  I on the other hand sat in the car for a few minutes and cried my heart out.   I knew this day was coming-and I thought I was prepared for it.  I was wrong, I wasn’t.  I did all the right things- not make a big deal out of it in front of her, agree with all that she says, etc., still I was crushed. But, I accepted this part of the journey she is going through and thought of all the happy, fun memories we have shared as mother and daughter.

I called my sister chick Brenda -whose mom is in the final stages of Dementia- she is not eating, and her body is rejecting her food intake.   Brenda had to make the decision to not put her on a feeding tube.   She is a couple stages in front of me, I wanted to ask her how she coped.   She coped the same way I did; you just do it.  My heart goes out to her and her family and to everyone who is experiencing this terrible disease.   All I can do is ask for Grace for Dorothy and all the others.

Love & Light,

Cheryl Doreen