Dorothy called again last night- Her song was pretty mellow the first three phone calls- but, this one was different.  

 “Cheryl, you are not going to believe what just happened!”  I responded (with actual anticipation as to what had just happened) What?  I asked.

“A man just walked into my room.”  I replied what?  Really?  Did you leave the door unlocked (then wished I hadn’t said it)?  Then right away I said are you ok?   “yes, I’m ok, but I wonder if all the doors have the same key? If so, I’m going to pull my chair over in front of my door before I go to bed.”     This circle of conversation went on for a few minutes.

I listened and let her tell me what she thought about it.  After a few minutes- I asked again if she was ok- “yes, I’m fine”.  I told her that I would call the front office and make them aware of the problem and ask them how they are going to fix it.   I told her I’d call her back, Told her I loved her and if she needed me to call me.   

I never called back- logic tells me she just left her door unlocked.  (-:

I feel pretty confident that a few moments after she hung up the phone – she forgot the entire occurrence.

Breathe In- Breathe Out.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy would want you to know that the best thing you can do for your loved one with dementia is just be understanding.  They know not what they are doing.   Try to treat them as normal as possible.   There is no need to tell them when they are wrong or correct them for any reason.  When you do this it “belittles” them, some of them even stop talking-afraid to make a mistake.  

Just be patience and kind and if you can’t do it- don’t- it will only make you and them miserable. 

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy called at 6:15 right on time, we had just spent the day together and celebrated a birthday.  But, she did not remember.  It’s sundowners time- and nothing can stop it. I was still at my brothers and I answered the phone- put her on speaker and the routine started.  Paul, listened for a few minutes, then looked at me and asked me how I did it. How do you listen to that every night?   I explained to him that listening to her is sort of like a husband listens to his wife in the funny papers- LOL.   Instead of nodding every once in a while- I will say something to her- to let her know I’m still there.   All she needs is someone to listen to her in that moment.   

I will admit when she got to the part in her song about the neighbors saying she was having inapproiate behavior – I stopped talking and told him I wanted to see if it was the eggs, beans or corn- that she was going to talk about tonight. We laughed (we could of cried-but why?) we she said beans.

Her song was loud and long tonight- I cut her off after 21 minutes and told her I’d have to call her back. 

She called back 10 minutes later- not knowing that she just hung up.

This is a weird disease. )-:     Just remember it’s not them- and just do what you can.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy’s Friday with me was on Wednesday this week.  I was out of town last week and I’ll be busy with grandboys this weekend.  

She knew I was coming-but forgot- when I arrived mom was sweeping her room with the roller sweeper- she had the bathroom cleaned and told me she was almost done with her chores. I watched her finish up and was happy that she is still able to keep up her place.   We gathered her clothes – stripped her bed and headed out.  She was so happy to be getting out- even if she did not know what day it was.   

Before heading to my brothers to start the laundry we made a stop at Sam’s Club and got a few things- along with Chocolate Chip Cookies (they really are the best!).

Paul, her youngest son’s birthday is this week and I thought we’d celebrate- and these cookies are his favorite. (Cookie Monster!) He was off work for the day- starting his annual vacation- so it was the perfect day to celebrate.

As I said before, mom loves to iron- and there was plenty for her to do- so she got busy ironing. She was at peace.

It was a good day to celebrated -moms baby- we had Arby’s roast beef sandwiches and CCC. We even sang Happy Birthday.   Right after finishing her sandwich mom had a cookie and then another – she was going for the third and I had to step in.  “mom, you had a milkshake with your sandwich and two cookies already- are you sure you can handle another cookie?”  She responded, “did I already have a cookie?”   Sigh!  Yes mom- you’ve had two already.  “Oh, ok- then I don’t need another one right now.”

This is why she is in assisted living.  She needs assistance in not eating an entire batch of Chocolate Chip Cookies in one setting.  LOL  

I take her back to her place- she had no idea what we did all day.  But that’s okay- my brother and I do. 

Peace & Love,Cheryl Doreen

Mom called last night at the normal time- then a few times after that.  At 10:30 the phone rings and wakes me up- it’s Dorothy- I answered to her crying- and saying to me “Cheryl, I don’t know where I am! – where am I?” I spoke to her in a calm voice and told her where she was- she asked me how long she had been there.  I did not tell her the truth- that it has almost been a year- I just said, “for a little while”.   It took me a minute or two to calm her down- enough for me to feel okay hanging up the phone.  I actually broke down- cried for a few minutes- man, that was tough.   I was able to fall back asleep because I know she is in a “safe house” and I don’t have to worry about her.  

It’s tough.  It sucks!   It’s okay!   All in the same moment.   All I can do is be there for her.   That’s all any of us can do- we have to figure out how we can help them- it’s totally a personal decision- and “just do it”!

I honestly don’t know how I would have responded if she was still at home and I’d have gotten a call like that.  I’d be on the road headed her way- hoping I’d get there before she fell asleep. Probably not- she would have probably cried herself to sleep- just like she did last night.  I don’t know this, but I’m assuming that is what happened- she cried herself to sleep.  The good thing is- she doesn’t remember.

Just Breathe!

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Mom called last night at the normal time- then a few times after that.  At 10:30 the phone rings and wakes me up- it’s Dorothy- I answered-to her crying- and saying to me “Cheryl, I don’t know where I am! – where am I?” I spoke to her in a calm voice and told her where she was- she asked me how long she had been there.  I did not tell her the truth- that it has almost been a year- I just said, “for a little while”.   It took me a minute or two to calm her down- enough for me to feel okay hanging up the phone.  I actually broke down- cried for a few minutes- man, that was tough.   I was able to fall back asleep because I know she is in a “safe house” and I don’t have to worry about her.  

It’s tough.  It sucks!   It’s okay!   All in the same moment.   All I can do is be there for her.   That’s all any of us can do- we have to figure out how we can be there for them- it’s a total personal decision- and “just do it”!

I honestly don’t know how I would have responded if she was still at home and I’d have gotten a call like that.  I’d be on the road headed her way- hoping I’d get there before she fell asleep. Probably not- she would have probably cried herself to sleep- just like she did last night.  I don’t know this, but I’m assuming that is what happened- she cried herself to sleep.   The good thing is – she doesn’t remember.

Just Breathe!

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Easter Sunday at Dorothy’s Granddaughter was a good day.  The Georgia family on mom’s side has dwindled to a small group.  But there is a lot of love in that small group and lots of laughs and memories and a few “side looks” when mom “forgets”.  

We had just sat down to a delicious Easter Lunch- and the blessing was said.  Fifteen seconds later, mom said- “we can’t eat yet, we haven’t said the blessing”.  The side looks were exchanged- and I spoke up and told mom that it was ok she could go ahead and eat- that we had said the blessing earlier.   She had a few of these moments today- but it was ok- we have all accepted and adjusted- even the great grand boys.

Going with the flow is much easier than correcting- or trying to explain things to a demented person. Just let it go, just accept and love them.  It will be okay.  

Some days it’s easier than others.   

Today was a good day!

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Happy Good Friday!   I can remember when we were little the excitement about Church Service on Friday – and again on Sunday – actually the entire Holy Week leading up to Easter.   I love Small Town USA- I grew up in an amazing time and town.  I can remember when we were real little- Mom would make my brothers new shirts and me a new dress every Easter– she did this for a few years.  There was always a smile on every ones faces- how could it not – with all that candy (-;  

  When I went to get mom last Friday- there was a card on her dresser she had addressed in her shaky hand writing –

 To: Cheryl 

 From: Mom 

 I love you.  

  I was touched –  what a sweet card to get from mom.  (Usually- it’s the kids, that give a card a handmade card – to their parents).  I opened it up and saw that she had gently glued a bunny rabbit along with his Easter Basket filled with eggs – just right-  to the front of the card  She had colored the eggs and bunny- it was really cute.  When I opened the card- I found a verse cut out and glued- just so- on the inside.  It simply read                          “ Easter is the only time it’s okay to put all your eggs in one basket.”  

Nothing else was written or glued on the inside.    

This simple act of kindness from my mom brought tears streaming down my face- along with a huge smile and a little push to my heart to make it bigger.  

I took a moment and imagined her sitting in the art class and making this. It was made with love and you could tell that she took her time to do a good job.  

She doesn’t remember making it or writing on the envelope- but I’ll remember it for a long, long time.

Happy Easter Everyone,

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Mom has called every day this week starting just after lunch.  I really think it’s the moon- honest!  Every month it’s around the same time that this happens- the moon is getting fuller (waxing) today it’s at 95%- so tomorrow it will be full (19^thof April 2019).  She is so upset, so agitated, so unhappy.   I really hate it for her.   

What to do?  Noting- just listen to her song in a louder more angrier tone. LOL    AAAUUUUGGG HHHH!

This too will pass- she will survive- but it has to be challenging for her. I can’t imagine what she is going through- even though I go through it with her every day.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Friday was a good day! I took Dorothy shopping for a few new outfits- It’s Spring!  It’s time for some color.  It’s funny watching her select her clothes and make her choices.  I can’t figure out what she is focusing on- the color, style or the fabric.  When I ask her if she likes something – her usually answer is “ I just don’t know- I don’t think I like this.”    (-:  They just don’t make things like they used to.  (-:  We walked out with three new tops and two pair of Capri’s.   I love the happiness that this small purchase brought to her.  

The funny (sad)  thing is when mom does laundry this next week she will not remember she picked these clothes out.  She will iron them, and we will take them back to her place and hang them with the others.  I will have to “weed” some of the worn out – seen better days- items out – in order for her to include these in her rotation.  

If you have someone out there that can’t get out-or wears the same worn out thing over and over again. Go to their closet, clean it out, I’m sure they have “better”- “save for good” clothes to wear-  remind them that this is the “better time” and it’s doesn’t get any better than this- so wear the clothes.  Or take them out for a shopping day.  They may be defiant in the moment-  but- you are in charge- they will be happy to get something new- and you will be happy to see them in something new.  It’s a win, win for everyone!

Remember old folks are like little kids- they need guidance, they need a “person”.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen