Dementia sucks! For those who have it- the ones that know they have it and the ones that don’t know they have it. It sucks for the family, friends and caregivers. It just Sucks!

But like everything in life – you have to figure out the best way to deal with it. If you can. Some people can’t and that’s okay. You are not judged by anyone- well- we are judged everyday by those that just sit and judge- but you shoudn’t be. You can only do what you can do. It is what it is. And — my favorite- You don’t know until you know. Paragraph

Know what I mean?

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Everyone loves the Lion King.   My grandsons were in their school play over the weekend and I took mom there on Friday night for the opening show.   

I picked her up for our usual Friday- and we drove to my house- instead of hers.   She had no idea where she was- even though she’d been there a thousand times. We did her laundry and  I had some ironing that she happily did it for me. It took her two hours- long time to do 8 pieces- but that’s okay- she was content and it passed the time.

When it was time to get ready to leave- I had her “clean up” and change clothes.  I had laid out a clean change of clothes for her on the bed. She got undressed and put her shirt on- then asked me what she needed to do next- I laughed and said, “it might be a good idea to put your pants on”.  We laughed but I admit it was a little weird, but – I understand that she was out of her environment. 

We had a great time at the play and she did just fine ( you never know what she will do, say or how she will act in these situations).  Her great-grandsons were happy that she was there and the happily hugged her, made her feel special and had big smiles for the picture they proudly took with her.

The play was awesome! Such talent out there in 1^stgraders-5^thgraders.  (-:

Today was a good day!

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Paul went to get mom for her Sunday drive.  He looked everywhere for Dorothy- she wasn’t in her room, she wasn’t walking the halls, or setting up front or outside- she was nowhere to be found.  He asked one of the residence- who has seen him a thousand times – if she had seen her.  She told him that Dorothy went on the bus on an outing with some of the other residence.

As you know all mom does to us is complain about how bad her days.  How there is never, anything to do and nothing ever happens.   My brother was shocked! He couldn’t  believe it-. he called me right away to tell me.   He was so happy that he “caught” her doing something. LOLOL   We laughed and wondered how many more outings she has been on– that she doesn’t remember.  

He did not get to hear her sing her song this day- but he enjoyed the silence and the relished in the knowledge that she is just fine.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Last Friday when I went to pick up Dorothy for our weekly outing, she was sitting with the group and totally engaged in the event. Happiness was all that I could think of while I was observing the moment. I’ve known all along that mom is engaged with the people around her and that she only complains to Paul and me. But,to actually witness it with my own eyes-to be able to sit back realax and observe the human interaction within the group was wonderful. She was happy- they all were happy!

They were “virtual visiting” each others hometown on Google Earth. The Activities Director was asking everyone where they grew up–then she’d find the street they grew up on and they’d all be able to see it on the big TV screen. Some of the folks remembered their old “hang outs” and you could just see them go back in time. They were all experiencing this together and they were all totally engaged.

When it was mom’s turn to tell her hometown- she knew where it was – but she could not remember what street. I waited until the director moved on to the next person and was finishing up- then I walked in, hugged mom and asked what everyone was doing. They were so excited to share with me what they were doing and they told me that they could not find moms street. I told them that she lived in a few different places in Germantown and to check to see if they could find Cherry Street. Mom remembered the street and the surrounding area. It was fun- and everyone was truly happy that she was able to “go back in time”.

In the moment- is where Dorothy lives these days. I need to be present in the moment with her -to be able to appreciate it. There are silver linings in those dark clouds.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Kids vs Old Folks

The kids have the youth the wonder and the innocence.   Old people have age, wisdom and wrinkles.

For care giving- I’ve found you nurture them pretty much the same way.

They each have an active imagination

They each get upset and emotional and throw tantrums

They each ask the same questions over and over and over again

They each love to be heard

They each are full of wonder- not necessarily in the same way- but still full of wonder

They each are scared of the dark and monsters

They each like to laugh

They each have concern on their faces when they don’t understand 

They each want to be hugged

They each want to be told how special they are

They each want to hear that you are proud of them

They each just want to be loved 

If you have an older person with Dementia or any other illness or they are blessed enough not to have any issues. Be sure to embrace them, try to understand how they feel.  Actually but yourself in their shoes for a few hours- try to understand how scary it is for them to be going through what they are going through.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Happy Spring! Dorothy loves Spring! She could be found outside raking , pulling weeds or planting on days like today. I’ts only March but there is so much that can be done in the garden.

When mom will talk about her youth and the chores she did on the farm, she never talks much about the garden. It was granny’s garden, and I wonder if she got the swithch a time or two for going in there.

My brother, Paul takes her for rides on the weekends and ” in the moment” she enjoys the colors and observing life being renewed. I pick her daffadills and put them in a vase that she picked out one day when we were at the “junkie” stores. She saw it, loved it, and I bought it for her. It along with the flowers add brightness to her room. I wonder if she thinks of me and remembers our outing on the day she found the vase.

It’s been a cold, wet winter- Embrace this Spring- soak in all of its wonder and beauty- you never know when it will be your last one.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy and Full Moon Fever

Man- talk about tough times, the full moon gets mom every month.  I’m not sure how it works or how we can prevent the full moon effecting some (most) folks, but I’d like to see them come up with a way to stop it from affecting Dementia and Sundowner folks.   They have a hard-enough time.  

I guess the biggest change- besides the phone calls coming more frequently- is the intensity in her voice of the confusion, fear and frustration.   

It’s hard- hard to keep an even keel and let her just vent.  Somedays, I honestly don’t want to hear it- but I know it’s just her song and it will be okay.

Tonight is the last Super Moon of 2019, it’s going to be amazing! I am hoping for clear skies here in Atlanta.   I’m excited to be looking at it with my grandboys out of their upstairs window. And, I am hopeful that mom will be able to see it from the top of the hill outside of her facility.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

If you are new to this site, feel free to go back as far as the site will take you. It’s full of my rambling and experience with mom and her journey with dementia.

It’s sucks! It’s hard! I totally understand that there are people out there that cannont deal with their loved ones -who are experiencing this sickness. The mind is a terrible thing to sit back and watch waste away.

My suggestions to you on how to deal with your loved one are:

Don’t take it personal – they hallucinate, the make things up and they exaggerate on all levels. Relax- let them talk- they will talk themselves out sooner or later. Ask them things about their childhood or early teenage life. These are usually happy memories. Find a happy place you can go to mentally- the beach, the woods, the top of a hill on a starlit night. Anything that will keep you calm and accepting. Take time for yourself- don’t give them all of you-only some of you- don’t let their words make you feel guilty- they are not who they once were. Only do what you can do. The will be okay. They don’t remember. Remember they are sick. Breathe!

Peace & Love, Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy’s friend Chuck was taken to the hospital again the other day.  Bill- Chuck’s friend did get in touch with me the last time he was in the hospital (two weeks ago)  So, I reached out to Bill this time to see what the situation was and if Chuck was able to have visitors. Happy News!  Chuck was able to have visitors, so- I took mom to the hospital on Saturday.  When we walked in- his face lit up like a bright sun. He was dressed and sitting up in the chair still nibbling on lunch.  Mom walked over to him and gave him a big hug and rubbed his back and asked him how he was. Then she pulled up a chair to face him and they talked and talked and talked.  They talked about the “home” and Chuck told stores of his past.  Mom mostly listened.  I sat  over by the window- enjoying the spectacular view of the North Georgia Mountains and listening. Enjoying the stories they were telling.   (-: Note to self, If I have to be in the hospital- I would will go to that Hospital- so I and anyone who comes to visit me,  can enjoy that view.  

After about 15 minutes his doctor walked in and started asking him questions- the ones with easy answers- the ones that you and I take for granted.   How did you get here Chuck?  Do you know what happened?  Do you have oxygen at your apartment?  How much medication are you on?  Do you have any family? Was anyone else been here to see you?  The doctor has seen Chuck before and I’m pretty sure he’s used to these types of patients.  Dr. Allen was outstanding!     Chuck answered some of the questions and some he did not.  As I was taking this all and with the doctor sitting beside me, I wondered how much of what Chuck was saying was true? It really didn’t matter- the Doctor just sat smiling beside me and kept the conversation going. After a few minutes, Chucks friend Bill came and was able to assist with some of the information the doctor was looking for.  

Bill  and I visited and he told me that he and Chuck had been friends for over 30 years and that they “take care of each other”.  Which I was very happy to hear. “We all need someone to lean on”- (Bill Withers- Lean on me).

I was happy to take mom to see her friend- and I’m glad she has a friend. It was wonderful to see them smile.

I just wish she could remember the day.  

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Yesterday 63 years ago, Dorothy gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Me! (-:    When mom called me yesterday around 1:00- I was excited- I thought she was going to tell me Happy Birthday- she did not.  She doesn’t know what day it is, what time it is or where she is at.   I never told her what day it was, and that’s okay.   

When we lose someone the firsts of everything- without them -are hard.  Yesterday was the first day that mom didn’t wish me Happy Birthday, I was sad.  As I sit and type this morning, I am more sad, and tears are rolling down my cheeks.  But, I’m very thankful for all the other birthday’s she wished me happiness.  And I’m pretty sure the last thing that she remember about me is that I am happy. (-:

Dorothy’s Dementia sucks!  It’s going to be a long goodbye. We going to experience the loss of firsts with her while she is still here. And we will cry a million tears. I’m sure they will get easier.

Life is short!  And I’m Alive!  I’m going to continue to embrace all the opportunities it allows me.  

You are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. James 4:14 

Life is short, even in its longest day.   “Longest Day” John Mellencamp

 Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen