Saturday the 13^thof March 1954 -Dorothy Lee Branham and Richard Albert Boyer were married. They spoke their vows in the Lutheran Church in Franklin, Ohio.  Dads buddy, Jack Eldridge (whose daughter Bridgett is one of my lifelong friends) and Delores Branham, my mom’s sister stood up with them.  I have some photos of them on that day and their smiles make me smile.  Dad’s in a gray suite – with a very cool wide tie, and mom is in a simple white dress.  

When mom called tonight I answered the phone with “Happy Anniversary” she was like – What? and I explained that it was March 13^thand that she and dad would have been married for 65 years. 

 I got her focused on her wedding day for a while – I asked her where dad proposed to her. She said the Germantown Dam and he simply asked me if I wanted to get married- it wasn’t any more romantic than that.  She said that mostly dad’s family was there- his aunts and uncles, her side of the family included Granny ,Aunt Grace and her two children. They both also had their friends from school there-  about 30 people in all. It was a small, simple wedding and she said that it was very nice. She stated that -We fooled everybody- they said it wouldn’t last- that I was too young but- it did – we had a good life, he just died too young (back in 1981- he was 49).  I miss him still every day.

I’ll be here until I’m 100- 

I need your help getting me out of here…………

It was good to hear her talk about something different – even if only for a few minutes.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Mom calls It’s 6:10  she’s distraught.  This is her story for tonight. I say very little.

 She’s in tears, one of the men that sits at her table was picking on her today.  I’m not taking no for an answer- I’m going back home.  I don’t need to be in a place like this, and I have no desire to be in a place like this.  I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.  I just can’t take this type of people any longer.  The ones that think they know it all and I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m not going to do it. I assume that my house is still sitting vacant- or have you moved in.  Well- we’ll have to decide when you move in what I will do. I’m thinking of getting a small apartment or maybe trying to find an Assisted Living. Get in a decent place.  Or I might go back to Germantown.  That’s where I want to have my ashes there where dad is.  So, I need your help – to get me back to Ohio.  I’m assuming that my house – you want it you can have it.  But, you know I’ll you and I will have to discuss it more.  And I’ll have to have to see what which —what we can do – how we can do it. Because right now I’m very anxious- and I would like for you to help me, can you come this weekend, or do you have a day off you can come and get me and decide what you can do with me.  I don’t know if I want to stay around Paul. I was thinking last week you always wanted to be in Woodstock- you can move, and I can move into your house then I would still be here, and you could come and see me.  But, and you know, I don’t think I’m quite ready to go into an assisted living yet. I think that’s one of the problems here— there is not enough freedom of choice.  You can stay in your room or can do what they tell you to do.  I can’t I just can’t handle these types of personalities of people. They – they’re just all so smart and they act like they know it all- they just irritate me – if you say something they look at you’re like your stupid I just can’t be here.  I don’t like people, Paul’s the same way he doesn’t like to be around people I can’t do this anymore I’ve tried hard to adjust, and I can’t.  how many times has Paul put me in places like this and I go nuts there’s’ been several, he wants to get rid of me.  Well- I don’t know.  Like I say if you want my house you can have it and I’ll move into your house.  I can move into an apartment or something I know I don’t’ want to be here I can’t deal with it.  I get more and more upset.  I’m sorry Cheryl, I’m so upset. (Tears and deep breaths.)         You think about what the best thing for me might be. You want to live in Woodstock – you can move into my house and I’ll move into your house.  I don’t’ know how much longer you are going to work. But, I- you think about it.   I’m hanging up now, I’m just wasting your time.

Click

She’s upset and I hate it it!    So, I wait a few minutes and call her.  She’s sad when she answers the phone and I tell her it’s a pretty evening and it will be light outside for another hour.  Please put your shoes and sweatshirt on and go for a walk.  

Ok, Cheryl I’ll put my shoes on and call you back.

She calls back about 2 hours later.  I miss the call – I’m out for a walk -off the grid- (:    Walking is the best time to be “still”.    

She answers and I answer- she says hello. 

She starts all over again.

I hate it for her.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

It’s Saturday and Dorothy has called me six times today.   Not much goes on at the Assisted Living on the weekends.   During the week mom sets up front during the day so she can be in the hustle and bustle of the activities. She usually has a book with her.

Her question straight out of her mouth is- “is anyone going to come and get me today and take her out of this place”.  I tell her that I’m out of town and Paul is working. So -no one will be there today. She seems okay with that and tells me to have a good time. Then says good bye.

Just a few minutes later- she calls again and tells me that Paul can’t be working today it’s Sunday- and he doesn’t work on Sundays.  I tell her it’s Saturday and that he will probably be there tomorrow to get her out for a little bit.

I can’t convince her that it is Saturday – so I change my answer – I tell her that he must be busy and I’ll call and see what he is doing.   She is ok with this answer- and tell me bye.

Another 30 minutes- same questions.

Again and again.

Man- I hate this for her. AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

She is fine, she is in a good place-  she is interactive with the people and workers there.  She has friends, she is social. Mom will be ok.

I’ll be ok too.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

It’s Saturday and Dorothy has called me six times today.   Not much goes on at the Assisted Living on the weekends.   During the week mom sets up front during the day so she can be in the hustle and bustle of the activities. She usually has a book with her.

Her question straight out of her mouth is- “is anyone going to come and get me today and take her out of this place”.  I tell her that I’m out of town and Paul is working. So no- noone will be there today. She seems okay with that and tells me to have a good time. Then says good bye.

Just a few minutes later- she calls again and tells me that Paul can’t be working today it’s Sunday- and he doesn’t work on Sundays.  I tell her it’s Saturday and that he will probably be there tomorrow to get her out for a little bit.

I can’t convince her that it is Saturday – so I change my answer – I tell her that he must be busy and I’ll call and see what he is doing.   She is ok with this answer- and tell me bye.

Another 30 minutes- same questions.

Again and again.

Man- I hate this for her. AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

She is fine, she is in a good place-  she is interactive with the people and workers there.  She has friends, she is social. Mom will be ok.

I’ll be ok too.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

It’s Monday March 4,2019 I did not get a call from mom today or this evening.   I found myself both excited and worried. 

 Excited because maybe she was having a good day and she has nothing to complain about- or maybe she  finally accepted the fact that she was in the best place she could be for this time in her life.  

Worried because maybe she had fallen and she couldn’t get up- or she lost her phone- or she was sick in bed- or she didn’t remember that she always call me- or she’s getting worse, moving onto the next stage.

I did not call her to find out- I just enjoyed the quiet and stillness of the evening.

  I did call her the next morning around 10:00 and she did not answer.  I called back and still no answer.   I then called the front desk and ask them to have her call me.  She never did- so around 12:15 I called and she answered- she was at the lunch table with her friends.  She sounded fine- she read the menu of the day to me and told me what she was going to have.  She asked me what day it was and if I was still coming on Friday.   She was fine.  It’s just the journey.  Sigh!

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Friday I picked up Dorothy for our weekly outing. Mom was so excited to see me- just like when my grandsons see me- (-:  they approached me with huge smiles and wide  open arms. (0-:  Mom did the same thing this day. (-:    It’s a fantastic feeling – to be able to experience love in this way- it just fills your heart and soul. 

We did the usually things – laundry, checking out “her” house and the transformations that are being made.

The master bath is 95 % complete and although she’s seen the progress  every week since the beginning of January, she doesn’t remember.  One thing she does remember is the color of the walls- every time she sees them for the “first’ time she does not like them- she never fails to tell me that.  (-:

She told me that it’s not fun getting old and she doesn’t like it.   

She told me again that she is thankful that I come and get her out.

She asked me again- why she is not allowed to go back to her house.

It’s a continuous song.

It’s moms song.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy had a good day today- until the sundowners started.  )-:    I can hear the desperation for help in her voice.  She is so sad, upset and adamant about the fact that she does not need to be where she is- it just  hurts my heart.  I’ve been hearing the same thing for 298 days- give or take a few.  

You would think that by this time they would have found a cure – it’s been since 1980 that the Alzheimer’s Association was founded.  You’d think by now they’d have something.  Or do they not want to find anything- Old people is a big business.  Just think about it- it’s like the baby business- big bucks.

Wake up and take notice of your life. How is your life?  Are you happy?  Have you done enough?  Have you accomplished what you were sent here to do? Is there anything you want to do?  Have you loved enough?  Have you laughed enough?  If you question any of these things- you might want to get started doing them. Life is short- even in its longest day.( John Mellencamp)

When mom is “with me and in the moment” I ask her if there is any place she wants to go, do or see.   Her answer is always no- she’s done everything she wanted to do.    

I have not- there is so much more I want to do.  So, I’m going to get started.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Birthday Girl!  2/22/37 is moms’ birthday!  This year it was on a Friday and Paul and I spent the entire day with her.  We picked her up- started the laundry and headed out to see which way the wind would blow.

We went to Pottery Barn and spent an hour- they have so much to look at. Then we headed on to the Marietta Fish Market got lunch- it’s an awesome place !  She was in awe of the giant fish tank- it’s pretty cool! Mom and I split a meal- there is just too much food in one serving.  She wanted Salmon Cakes and a baked potato- which was delicious.  We decided to have dessert later on in the day at the Cupcake Place in Downtown Woodstock.    

We stopped at Lowe’s and hung around there looking at paint colors and flooring.  I believe in an earlier posting -I talked about remodeling mom’s place.  It’s work in progress and every Friday she is seeing it for the first time.  One thing that never changes – she does not like the color of the bathroom – It’s Sherwin Williams “Spa”- and I love it!   But, every time mom sees it- even if it’s 5 times in the same day-she tells me how awful it is.  LOL

The Cupcake Place (not sure if this is the name or not- just what I call it) never disappoints.  Yummy!   We all had our own choice for a cupcake- and I sang Happy Birthday to her.  (-:  

We took her back to her place around 5:00- while we were out- she had a Birthday Cookie Delivery from Jessica Gary & the boys.  She was so happy to see it!  It was colorfully packaged with a big Happy Birthday Balloon.   When I gave her the card to read to see who they were from she was so happy to see the names on the card.  She called her and thanked her right away.   Then she went into the restroom came back out- and saw the gift for the first time all over again.     Jessica told me that Grams had left her 4 messages that day thanking her for the cookies.   

Dorothy called me at 6:30 and informs me that she does not need to be where she is, and she wants to go home.  Her song starts- I interrupt it with the question “did anyone come see you today on your birthday?”- She replied “No, I know you and Paul work- but Jessica and the boys sent me a Cookie Birthday Basket!”  It’s really pretty with a balloon and everything.  I need to hang up now and call her to thank her for it. Bye!

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

As I type this -Dorothy is being driven around this beautiful sunny, blue sky day by her youngest son, Paul.  She is happy and safe.  The problem is she won’t’ remember it in a few hours after he takes her back to her place. But -in this moment she is at peace. 

I’m guessing that tonight’s phone call will come around 6:45- because the sun is staying out longer.  When I get it, I will breathe in and out- and silently wonder how long this will go on. 

Remain calm- 

Remember it’s not them- it’s a disease

Reflect on the good times 

Release love and understanding

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy’s exhausted- I’m exhausted- Paul’s exhausted.

  Some things are fun to do over and over and over and over again.  Riding your bike, walking in the woods, watching a hawk float on the wind tunnel he has caught, playing with your kids/grandkids/friends, laughing with friends and family, movies, books, swimming, waiting for the first flower of spring to bloom,walking on the beach, gazing at the night sky-the list goes on and on and on.  It’s fun! It’s fulfilling- I don’t take any of this for granted.

Listening to your loved one in a demented state is the total opposite. Gloomy-because it brings you down, miserable- because you hear their sad song over and over and over again, heartbreaking- because you hurt for them, frustrating- because there is nothing you can do change the situation.

It’s really hard to be focused and be able to surround yourself with a bubble so the negative baggage that goes along with listening to or caring for a loved doesn’t get into your spirit.  

 I’m pretty much focused and wear my blinders when talking to mom- especially on days like yesterday- she started calling me at 12:30- demanding that I come and get her and take her home.  Not tomorrow, not next week but today right now.  I Breathe in –  I breathe out.   The next question I ask is why? What’s wrong.    

I already know what she is going to say- but at least the conversation is back to her and I don’t have to answer any of her questions.  I just have to agree.

She calls me 6 more times during the day. It was not a good day for her.

I love you mom.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen