Dorothy has finally settled down, the move, the confusion and the Covid shutdown -really did a number on her.   It took about 6 weeks- but she is back to her “old” self– her old self -as she has been for the past several years.   

Her Pappy and Granny are still the most important thoughts in her mind as is her sister.  And of course, the wanting to get out of where she is- because she doesn’t’ belong there. 

They have lifted the lockdown and reopened visitation to the family- which helps everyone. I hope they don’t have to lock it down again.  I’ve been to see her several times since last week’s lift and she is doing fine.   She does her chair exercises and participates in what she wants to participate in.  

She continues to call and continues to sing her song. I sometimes sing along and sometimes I don’t.  I’ve learned to read her and the mood she is in and the reaction that I will get on how I respond.   It really doesn’t matter what I say, how I say it or if I say anything.  

With the pandemic- I have sort of seen her side of things.  Not being able to do what you want when you want.  Having to adjust to masks, number of people you are around, who you come in contact with, when you go out, where you go out to.  Mom says she gets out and walks and I know that one of her caregivers takes her for walks in the evenings. For now, that is the best she can have.  I hope it is good enough.

It’s been a week since my last meeting with the community and expressed my concerns and I have not heard anything in response.  I’m assuming they are thinking it is going to go away, but it is not- it will fester and resurface at a time when I am not tied to Covid and its restrictions.   I will not go quietly- (Don Henley “I will not go quietly”).

Listen to your demented folks, how can you help them? Sometimes you can’t- so be ready for that.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy’s Psychiatric Doctor finally called me with the assessment.  She stated that moms’ medications were fine and that she needed to be moved back to Assisted Living.  She said that Dorothy is not ready for Memory Care at this time, it will come, but Memory Care is not a good place for her to be right now.  She needs interaction with active people for her brain health.  The doctor tells me she will contact the head nurse at the facility and send over the orders to have mom moved. 

I let two weeks go by, there is a lot going on at the facility and I’ve been waiting on a call from the head nurse.  The new director has only been there two weeks, everyone is being tested and retested for Covid because a few worker bees testing positive- no symptoms- just positive testing. (could it be a positive/negative and all this additional testing is all for not.  Everyone has to be tested twice and everyone has to come back negative in both times in order for the facility to “open” up and not have the residence be quarantined to their room.

Long story short it turns out the head nurse chose to not follow the doctors’ orders and has not moved mom out of Memory Care.  At this time that is a blessing- because everyone in Memory Care is quarantined to their room.  Which I can’t imagine for all those residence- let alone how “crazy” mom would be.   But the point is the way the head nurse went about it. Actually, bold face lying that the doctor changed their mind- when I reached out to the doctor, they were shocked that the nurse said that they had changed their mind and was quite upset.   At this time,

I am letting it be and let mom stay where she is- in Memory Care because you are not confined to your room and you do not have to wear a mask- Dorothy is better where she is for now.

This has turned out to be such a cluster $$%^&*()  and my voice is not silent, just on hold- I will be heard by those in charge over this entire ordeal.  I just hope they don’t use the excuse of “unprecedented times” because it is not about the times, it’s about proper care giving, honesty and doing the right thing for the patient.

In the meantime, mom is still calling, still confused that her grandpa has died and totally devastated that she cannot get to the funeral.  The care givers are telling her that there are no funerals at this time, which helps a little with her confusion. But the turmoil and frustration she is going through is something that no one should have to experience.  I wonder why since 1970, when the first research was started- they still have no clues how to help or have found a drug to reverse the disease or help with the symptoms, confusion, and the demons that these patients go through.

Love and Light,

 Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy is as good as can be expected during these crazy times.   The lockdown has been reenforced due to a few worker bees being tested positive for Covid.  So, no outside visitation- and everyone is quarantined again-I just hope they get them outside in the early morning hours for some fresh air.  I can’t imagine!

Last week when I saw mom – the nurse “in charge”  came outside and introduced herself- it didn’t go well. I had been waiting on a phone call from her all week that the area manager said would happen. I still have a little bit of an attitude about the entire way the episode went down and the vibes I’m receiving from the nurse. I am keeping an open mind with her- she is stressed, and I could not do what she does.   At one point in our conversation she stated that  mom would NOT be returning to her old room-that she would be staying in memory care.   This did not sit well with me-I went on to reminder her that  “everyone” said the move would be temporary-until we could get her meds adjusted ( the acting manger, both doctors, herself).   So, I believe we will be in a power struggle here with the doctors orders and the nurses.  She did inform me that she was going to call me and give me weekly updates on mom-I haven’t heard a word this week.   We will see how it goes – the lack of communication is the biggest problem I have right now.  

Yesterday when I took mom a card and some flowers-I met the new man in charge.  I introduced myself and told him I would like to set up a meeting in a week or two to go over a few things.  I did not want to bombard him then and there-hopefully all will work out and I will not have to visit with him.

 The psychiatric doctor called me last Saturday morning and told me that mom did not need any change in medication and that she did not need to be in memory care.   Happy news!   I asked her how long it would take to get mom back to her old room- and she said she was going to call the nurse and send over the orders. She also stated that it shouldn’t take long.   I have been quite all week to let the “process” take place and on Friday I called moms regular doctor to see if the move had been made.   She said she knew that the doctor called the nurse but hadn’t heard anything else.  I let the doctor know of the “meeting” I had with the nurse the week prior and my concerns as to her not wanting to send mom back to her old room. She was going to call the nurse herself and let me know what was happening.  When she returned her call to me she stated that the  nurse said she did not get a message from the psychiatric doctor.  This really didn’t upset me because I have no trust in the nurse at this point.  She has not done anything she said she was going to do up to this point.   Moms doctor is setting up a meeting next week  with the psychiatric doctor, the nurse, herself and me to figure it all out.   The bottom line is-I just want mom to be comfortable and safe, and still have a sense of control of going in and out when she wants.    

Dorothy is still the same, calls me when she can find a phone-sometimes she talks about “granny dying and coming up to Germantown for her funeral-but the bus-stopped at this restaurant and the pandemic is going on due to Russia getting involved and no-one can leave.   They did give me a clean room and everyone is so nice-I’m just worried about how much this is going to cost me.  You may need to send me some money.”  She also worries about not getting to the funeral in time.   

Sometimes I don’t have to say anything-she just talks, other times she will ask me for my opinion.   I “wing it” in the moment-it doesn’t matter it’s her story and these days I just play along.  Sometimes when she calls early in the mornings she tell me that she has been waiting on the train all night and it did not come.   She wonders why.    I wonder how much longer she will have to endure this unrealistic lifestyle.

I must admit that this is really hard-the easy way out would be to not stay involved, connected or  concerned.  But, I’m not wired like that-I need to feel like I am making a difference. So, I will travel this hard road and continue to pray to God for grace and comfort for Dorothy Lee.

Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen

I went to see Dorothy this morning and she seemed to be doing pretty good.  When I called them to tell them I was there- they told me that she was walking the halls with her friend Jean.  I told them that Jean could come out too- if she wanted.  Shortly afterwards- they both came out- in full masks and eyes bright!   (-:   It was good to see two friends together and smiling- (even if I couldn’t see their smiles- just the brightness of their eyes).         As soon as they sat down, I told them they could take their facemasks off- since they were outside, and they needed to breathe in the fresh air.  They were happy to take them right off.  Shortly afterwards two other friends joined them- it was interesting they did not have facemasks on.  Wonder why?  The four of them sat relaxed and calm visiting with each other.  I would not say content- because of where they are- but they seemed satisfied.   Today seemed to be a good day for all of them.  

Sally asked me how my prom was.   I had to ask her to repeat the question because I wasn’t sure if I heard her right.  I did hear her right.  I went back to spring 1974 and the big day. I went with a friend, as I was not dating anyone at the time- George was his name- and he was the perfect gentleman.  I described my dress, shoes and hair to them.  And finished up with what a wonderful evening it was.  

I asked Sally if she remembered her Prom- and she did and was very happy to share.   Everyone answered the question with that far forgotten day on their faces and they shared all the details to a tee their faces brightened at the memory of their youth.   When it was moms turn to answer- she said she didn’t think she went to the prom.  I know that she did not and that it never bothered her – or at least that is what she always told me.   

We sat and talked of this and that for a while and all at once they were done talking and everyone was ready to go back in.   I asked mom if she wanted to stay and visit and she told me that she did not – she was tired and ready to go back in.  

We all had a big air hug and I watched them all walk back into the building.   Back into the place no one from the outside can go into anymore.  

I will be on the phone tomorrow afternoon- I have not gotten a call from the nurse about any new meds- I left a message last Wednesday.  I have not gotten any emails of communication from the facility. Maybe there is none- but I’m going to ask anyway.   

I am not going to let this go.  And I am not going to be so difficult that they throw mom out- with a standard reason “we can no longer give her the care she wants”.  But I do want answers and I do want resolution and I do want to see some of the things I want implemented into the system.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

It’s going to be a tough year, Safety and the Covid 19- it’s going to be tough to get into seeing what is going on inside the nursing homes and the assisted living facilities.  Faith is all we have to go on.  Faith that the workers will stay strong, stay happy, stay giving, stay concerned about the folks they are caring for.   

My opinion is that Covid will be around until the end of next spring- May 2021.   I hope I’m wrong- but I don’t think so.   How are these facilities going to change and adjust to the way they operate and give back to their “customers”?  There is so much taken away from them. What changes are they going to make for the families to be able to go inside and visit their loved ones, go into their rooms, see with their own eyes what is going on.   I hope they are getting their ideas together to make these changes- because I do not believe we will be going back to the “old days” anytime soon in these facilities.

I made my appointment to go see mom and was able to see her both days this past weekend.   She looked good.  She was a little stressed out on Saturday.  She came out with her walker and a face mask on.  As soon as she sat down in the chair, she took her facemask off. She told me that she was worn out because she had been cleaning her room all morning.  She stated that she did not think it had been cleaned for a long time.  This tells me she is aware that she is in a new room- she said the same words two years ago when we moved her in- and it also tells me she is ok.   She is still able to do what she thinks needs to be done- which is a good thing.    

Several of her friends came to the window and knocked on the pane and waved at her.  Her face lit up as she smiled and waved at each one of them.  Yes, I started crying- mixed tears – some tears of sadness, that she was taken away from her friends and some tears for the happiness that her friends reached out to her.  When it was time for me to leave, we did air hugs and words of love and appreciation were exchanged.  (-:    I called the receptionist back after a while and told her that it would be ok with me- if moms for Dorothy’s friends to come out and visit with us whenever I came.   She said that they could do that and that is exactly what happened on Sunday when I went.

Sundays visit was much so much fun!   Mom came out looking very, very good- happy and “with it”  and without her walker or a facemask.  (it must depend on who is working on what procedures are followed).  I’m assuming they had adjusted her medicine- I still haven’t heard from the nurse that I called Friday afternoon- but it seemed to me her spirit was much calmer than I’ve seen in a long time.  Soon two of her friends came out and she was so excited to see them- they were equally as excited to see her.   They sat around and visited, and they talked of current events- both inside the facility and outside in the world.  I sat and listened and joined in when I was asked to- I did get teary eyed when one of the ladies asked me how I was doing- with that look of sadness as to where they had sent mom.   I told her I was fine and that it would all work out.  I do believe this- I do believe that mom will be back with her friends within the next two weeks.   

I have been asked what I want – from my outreach of concern about how they handled the situation with mom.  When I was first asked this question, I was taken back- I don’t want anything.  You people need to fix this.  After thinking about this question for a few days I have finally figured out what I want.   

• I want the residents to have a safe area where they can come and go outside without seeing a wall up (privacy fence) one with a porch to keep them out of the rain and one that can be windowed in and heated where they can go out in the winter. It needs to be safe, clean, dry, shady, and sunny with chairs, table and comfortable with flowers. This will eliminate any fear the staff may have for those who might “walk away”. But, most importantly it will allow the residence the freedom to come and go when they want.
• I want them to be able to listen to live music and live entertainment again. 
•  I want them to be focus on moms’ medicine and get it right so she can go back to her own room.
•  I want the facility to not make these mistakes again to someone else.
• I want the facility to take the time to write a dossier on each person in the facility- different than their medical record, it needs to be about the individual person. This will also help in an emergency or when a buyout occurs and people are fired or quit and all the knowledge will not be lost when those folks leave.
  • What they like, what they dislike, 
  • Who their friends are?
  • Who do they dislike? 
  • What do they like to do, read? play games? watch tv? dance? visit? walk? sing?  listen to their era in music? watch old movies?
  • What time of the month or day is the happiest for them?
  • What time of the month or day is the most depressing for them?
  • What words sooth their soul? 
  • What makes them smile? What makes them sad?
  • What is their daily routine?   
  • Assist them when they need assisting- in whatever area it may be.  Some folks at sometimes need a little extra assisting.
  • What do they like to “push to the edge”- just to have the feeling of fighting authority?
  • This should not be too difficult to do – if you’ve been around them for a few months you should know all this information 
  • Ask the family they will know different things you wont’ see or the resident wont’ tell you
• I want communication open, by phone call or via email – not social media, Facebook (yes, I was told you can find out what’s going on on facebook) or the company website – and I would like it in a timely manner and for it to be truthful.
• I want open discussion on what to do with your loved one- not told what to do or that it’s the doctors’ orders and there is nothing you can do about it.
• I want the staff to follow through on what they say they are going to do, not change their mind without notifying you.
• I want all parties who made this experience so difficult for me and my family to be educated going forward.  
• I want to be treated like the customer you do not want to lose.

This is what I want.  I hope I can get it, for mom and where she is staying.  And if possible, for all the assisted living facilities all over America.   

In this situation – what would you want?

Love and Light,

 Cheryl Doreen

The drama for Dorothy continues.  I get a call from a nurse on the night shift that tells me they moved mom on Wednesday- the nurse did not listen to the doctors’ orders and give mom a 24 hour stay they moved her anyway.  They moved her into an empty room with a bed- not hers- and a few random chairs.  All they sent with her was a toothbrush, toothpaste, a change of clothes and a pair of PJs’.  Nothing went with her that was familiar to her. She then said that she did not think it was right the way they were treating Dorothy and she felt that she needed to reach out to me. I thanked the person for having moms back. She told me that Dorothy was her favorite and she just couldn’t stand it anymore.  I was very thankful but- I was totally taken aback and totally upset.   One- because they did not honor their word to give us 24 hours.

Two- they did not call and say that they felt it was best to leave her because they had already moved her.  (which I found out a day later was their reasoning for not moving her back to her room.)

Three- I can’t imagine what mom must have gone through- having dementia and being moved is  total confusion and an anxiety increase on the person.   

I jumped into anger mode-better yet, mother bear mode-  I called and left word for the acting manager – it took her another phone call,  and an hour to return my call.  

I called mom’s friend Jan- who has been a God wink throughout this entire journey- she has helped Paul and I out on numerous occasions and guided us in the right direction. She is an Angel here on earth- not only for us but a ton of other people.  Thank you, Jan. (-:

She gave us guidance on what to do and who to call.  And we took it.

In my mind they were not assisting mom at all – they were just storing her in a room.  I was furious.  Upset of the lack of communication, lack of human dignity, lack of accountability, responsibility and lack of a call back from the acting manager, lack of caring.   An hour is a long time to stew. Also, within this hour my brother was on the phone with the police to see if they would escort us into the facility to see how and what the situation really was. The police said that they could not do that- that the complaint had to come from within.  Oh my gosh!  How scary is that?

I received the call finally and the tone of her voice was one of “what do you want now”.   She said Hello, how can I help you tonight.   I responded with “well, I’m sure you have already called the facility and asked what the issue was before you called me back.  That’s what I would have done”.   She responded that she had not called the facility- (which in fact I know to be false, because I was talking to the person who called me when she called them, the person had to hang up on me to take her call.  This ticked me off- but I did not want to call her out because I did not want to out the person who had called me).

So, I went into my concerns- moving mom when she told me she would wait 24 hours- plus I had talked to her that morning and she said nothing to me about mom already being back in memory care.   I told her that I did not feel as though it was in moms’ best interest to be moved without any of “her stuff”.  She assured me that moms’ stuff had been moved and all was well.  I called her out on that and told her that it had not.  (the person told me that she would move some of mom things into her “temporary” room for her. So, she would feel comfort.)    

We went back and forth for a few minutes me listening to her, and her “not” listening to me.  I finally said told her that I was a very unhappy customer and that she needed to figure out how to make me happy. She clearly has no clue on what Dorothy’s status is or has followed up in any way.  I finally asked her for her bosses’ number- (I have called the corporate office asking for someone to call me back- still no return call- about the non-communication with the family since the takeover of the company- I will call again on Monday).   She gave me the name, but she did not give me the number- she said she would reach out to them and have them call me.    Needless to say, I was still upset because I did not get the feeling of caring, accountability, understanding that I was looking for.   To me there was a totally breakdown on the way they handled mom- so, who else are the not “taking care of”?

This morning I went to the facility and took mom her card and flowers- as usual.  The caring receptionist was there today, so I was happy to see her.  I asked her if there was anyone in charge today and she said yes, and she went to get him.  As I started the conversation with him he said to me- “I’m not sure if I will be able to help you or not” I was like- well then there is no reason for me to tell you my story.    He then said, “well let’s hear it and see if there is anything, I can do for you”?    I’m still not getting any customer satisfaction here.  What is going on!?!?!?!

I told him the entire story and he fell back on the safety thing-(which I’m a fan of) and the Covid 19 -that these times are unprecedented that everyone is not sure what is going to happen or how long it is going to go on.  My response was that this will probably last into the spring of next year and that they needed to figure out how to give back to the residence.  They have had so much taken away from them.   Little kids coming in to see them and sing to them, the bands and singers who come in to entertain them, being able to go outside whenever they want, going on field trips, have their families come in to see them.   What are you doing to give them something back?  What safe outside area are you giving them?    He then said to me well, you can go to the back of the facility and look in the window at your mom if you want.    This is when the tears came down my face.  I was like- what?  And confuse her more?   No thank you- I’ll wait and see her tomorrow at my schedule time I responded.  After he had seen that he totally upset me-he said that he understood how I felt but there were changes going on and people were being held accountable and that a disgruntled employee must have reached out to me.  Their #1 mission was to keep the residence safe.    At this time I knew the conversation was over — I thanked him for his time.   He told me he appreciated me coming in and telling him of the issue. He asked me if the area manager had called me yet (which tells me everyone knows of Dorothy daughter _  id I did not mention the area manager calling me)  I said no- that I was not given the phone number- I was told that she would call me.    I left feeling still unheard and defeated.

I had not been home 5 minutes (it’s a ten-minute ride) and the area manager called me.  She was exactly who I need to talk to.  She listened to my story- took accountability for the all of the non-communication and said she would remedy that immediately.  She also agreed with me that Dorothy should not have been treated like she was and told me that she would call and make sure that moms world would be comfortable with all of her things. She assured me that this is not how they did things and she would look into it. She did stress that Safety is # 1 for them and I restated that no one there knows mom- everyone is new, and that mom walked the route that they felt was in danger- every day for two years- without a incident.- which is what they are using as a reason to move her to Memory Care.   She again said that she would look into the issues and if I ever need her to call her on her cell.  Which I will- Monday afternoon.  I felt like I had finally talked to someone who was understanding my concerns.

I hate that mom is going through this, I hate that I cannot comfort her with a hug. I hate that everyone is using the word Safety and Covid 19 as the reasons for the cluster muck that has happened at the facility.   Don’t get me wrong I’m all about safety- but I’m not about using is as a catch all or a reason to not do a better job or find a solution for an problem.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

Medications- changes-fear-confinement-loneliness-uncertainty- awareness- loss -helpless-memories- confusion.  Going through this journey with mom I know for a fact that she is feeling all of these things.  They can’t seem to get Dorothy’s meds right, there are too many changes going on right now around her. She’s afraid of what is happening to her.  She feels confined- not being able to go outside. She feels all alone.  Dorothy’s immediate future is uncertain.  At times she’s aware that all these things are happening to her. The loss of mind which leads to the loss of self.  The feeling of helplessness must be so painful.  The memories that are surfacing and playing tricks on her mind have to be driving her crazy.  Total confusion- how could all of this happen to her?

With the epidemic I feel helpless- totally-I don’t like the feeling of not being able to fix it- or make it better.  Do I let them put her in memory care where she is?   Do I find a different facility for her?   Everything is about to change anyway- why not do a drastic change?   Does it really matter where she is?   We can’t visit anyway.  

It’s like the perfect storm of disaster for Dorothy:   

            The Covid 19 shuts down the world

            The family she has known for two years is broken up due to a buyout

            The new company has fired key people without having anyone in place 

            Numerous people have left due to the firing or the fear of being fired next

Her medication is failing and the adjustment to find the solution is not as quick as they thought

Sooner or later it’s going to blow and I could be the one that blows 

I’ve been on the phone this morning to another facility- with an open concept to memory care- fresh air and sunshine- left message

I’ve been on the phone to the home office for the facility that mom is in currently- left message

I’ve been on the phone to the head nurse where mom is- left message

As of yet no one has called me back-but it’s only 9:30  I’m sure the phone will start ringing soon.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

I got the call today- I didn’t want to hear.   The doctor has “ordered” Dorothy to the memory care wing.  The move everyone there is afraid of.   I received this call at 4:45 in the afternoon- from the nurse on staff.   It seems that mom has been “hovering” by the front door all day – just waiting on the opportunity to “bolt”.  And since safety is the number one priority, this move is the best one for mom- in their opinion.  I was told these were “doctors’ orders” and there is nothing I can do about it.  

My immediate thoughts were:

1.  She can still dress, feed, and get to and for on her own.
   1. Dorothy only needs assistance- she does not need individual care
2. Her medication is in the process of being changed- they say that her thyroid is not working, and this is causing added distress to her panic and anxiety attacks.
   1. Have they given her enough time to get her medication, right?  Is the thyroid medicine working?  Have they changed the anxiety medicine?
      1. No, no and no
      1. As of last Friday -they had a plan to keep her occupied during her sundowners’ episodes.  What has changed in 5 days?
3. The entire staff has changed within the last 6 weeks- due to a buyout of the facility.
   1. All the old staff has either been fired or quit
   1. There are no familiar faces for mom to search for security or love
   1. No one knows Dorothy’s person to person day to day living history- only what they have to report on paper- medically. They haven’t been there long enough to see her cycle.
   1. The Covid 19 has everything shut down- as of this week you have to make an appointment to go see your loved one- and you have only one visit a week for one half hour.      
      1. Not that she remembers seeing you when you do go see her- but in the moment I assume she is glad I’m there.
4. I understand that the health industry is totally overworked, underpaid and stressed out to the max- due to the current situation with the Pandemic. And I appreciate them.
5. The night nurse calls me and tells me this information “we are moving your mom to memory care tomorrow”.   Why not the doctor? Why not the Facility Manager?
   1. Doctor’s orders there is nothing you can do about it? Really?  
   1. It’s for her own good.

My emotions run wild- I’m on my knees,- I’m freaking out-  Memory Care is for those who cannot fend for themselves- they need constant care- they are drugged up and sitting in a wheelchair or a couch- just sitting- lifeless, hollow, alone, in storage, waiting for God to call them home.  Tears run down my face as I try to control my voice and my emotion as I talk to a friend of mine who knows me well and knows in detail this journey, I am on with my mom. They understand that in my mind I’m Dorothy’s last hope for living in assistance- her last advocate-who is slowly losing all hope of fixing the situation.  They listen, they encourage, and they support.  I’m thankful for them. 

I call the “acting” manager- (since the buyout there has not been anyone really in charge. There has been no communication and I’m sure they are trying to figure it all out with the Covid still paralyzing all of us in one way or another).  She assures me this is for the best for moms’ safety- she tells me the story of mom wanting to “bolt” every time the door is opened.  (It’s Covid 19- the place is in lockdown why is the door opening?) This is the same person I spoke to last week and she had a “plan” for mom- to help with her anxiety.  I discuss my concerns and thoughts.  I understand their position- I do.  A few minutes later – the doctor calls- also talking about the “bolt” problem and Dorothy’s safety- and their safety record.   I get it.   I tell her that I also get that there has been a tremendous change in the lives of the assisted- so many things have changed, the people, the processes, the daily and weekly visitors, activities, entertainment- all of it.  But it seems that nothing has been added for them- I have not asked and there has been no communication from the new owners of what they are doing in this area- I know of nothing new they are giving- they are only taking. 

 And my mind keeps going back to the logic, with all these changes- mom needs more assistance- hence- assisted living.  To me it seems that she is not getting it and it will be easier for them to not have to deal with her and put her in lockdown.   For her safety.  I get it.  

I don’t like it, but I get it.  I don’t want to accept it- but I will have too.  I know that my brother and I have done all we can for mom.  She’s slipping farther into the unknown of Dementia- and it is hard to watch, hard to see someone who has always been so strong fall to a disease that has no cure.  It’s hard to accept that she will be going into memory care – even if I don’t want it for her- and she will not be coming out.  She’s gone- but she’s still here.  Hard to accept and understand how to move forward in this vortex that has been forced upon us. 

 I’m just going to sit here with mother nature playing a rainy night in Georgia and listen to Chris Stapleton’s “Broken Halos” over and over for a bit.  I’ll focus and reminisce about all the love, laughter and lessons I have received from Dorothy Lee.   My life has been good because she chose me to be her daughter.  I’m very proud- sad, but proud and I have no regrets.   I’ve done all I could do for her to this point- and I’ll continue to do what I can to help her- till the Good Lord calls her home.  

Love, Light, Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen   

Dorothy does have a new verse and its all about Granny and Delores.   Sometimes it’s about them brining her home from the hospital with a “cracked” leg.  Sometimes she calls totally upset because someone has told her that Granny died – but they have not told her when or where the funeral is.  Sometimes it’s a random rambling.

It depends on how she is “mentally” on how I answer this question.   If she’s not crying, I tell her that Granny died in ‘68 and Delores died in ‘97.  If she is crying and totally upset, I tell her that I will call someone and find out what is going on.   

Today’s call was a rambling.

I answer the phone and she doesn’t even say hello- she starts with :

“Deloris called and she said that granny is sick, and that I need to go see her.   She was supposed to come and get me- but she has not yet.  I don’t know what to do —I’m confused as to where I am today.   Just forget it – she’s probably dead by now ….why didn’t Delores come and get me?   Delores is rather dramatic when something is going on.  Actually, I don’t’ know if there are still in I don’t’ know.   She hasn’t called me back and I’m thinking if granny died why didn’t someone call me.   There’s Aunt Grace, Uncle Kelly and all of them and I just don’t know – maybe I just need to ignore it.  Maybe next Saturday you can drive me up there and see what is going on. I don’t have enough to do –   that’s why my memory isn’t’ good.  If she’s alive we can go see her if she’s dead we can go to the cemetery and see her.

I would think someone would have called me back and let me know she died.  I don’t know   why Delores didn’t call me.

I’m not gonna worry about it unless someone calls me again. I just don’t know.

When was the last time I went to the doctor?   I don’t remember seeing anyone.  I wonder if I need something for anxiety.   I don’t remember if they give it to me or not. (yes mom, they give you something twice a day).  I will start writing it down.  I know last week a girl came and gave me a pill, but I don’t remember her coming every night– I don’t’ think they are.  I don’t think I’m getting stuff on a regular basis.  I’m at a different place. Did you know that? I’m in Germantown.  you know the one- the nice place that had the fireplace, the carpet and the nice green couches.   I need to see where I will go next- I get moved every other day.  I wish Delores would have just stayed out of it and let you handle it.  I know you probably didn’t want to deal with her, and I can understand that.  I’m just a nervous wreck I can’t think straight.  I can’t …… she starts to cry.  just come and see me when you have some time.   

Click- she hangs up.

She said all of this with only a few breaks for a breath.  I was at my computer writing in this blog.  So, I typed what she said- word for word.

I didn’t have to talk, or respond, she totally controlled the conversation (with the exception of letting her know they do give her medication).  And that’s ok- I’m glad I answered the phone so she could work through it.   

Prayers and Love,

Cheryl Doreen

One of the nurses called me the other afternoon around 4:30 and it was a hard call to take.  It has taken me a few weeks to process, accept and write about it.   She told me that Dorothy was really confused – to the point of thinking her granny and sister had just brought her home from the hospital.  She also informed them that mom told her that she would be walking to her daughters’ house down the street.     The nurse also told me that they were not letting her outside for the fear of her “walking”.  

Several things went through my mind

• The first thing is safety, you hear of folks “walking” away and getting lost all the time- and sometimes the outcome is not good. I’m thankful she is in a safe place and they are aware of what is going on with each resident.
• The second thing was that I hoped they would not think that this decline and change in her due to the disease would allow them the opportunity to put her in the “wing”.  The wing is greatly feared because once you go in the memory wing- you do not come out.   It’s a terrible fear to all the residence when they see that one of their own has been moved there- they fear that they might be the next.   
• How many more stages will she have to go through was my third thought.  How much of her memory will be dissolved right inside her?

I asked the nurse to let mom out after dinner and that I would be there waiting for her.  I was there a few minutes before mom and a rainstorm was brewing. So, instead of me getting my chair out of my car, I opted to move one of the rockers that the residence sit in- to the safe zone.     Mom came out- all smiles and so happy to see me.  Her arms were outstretched for a full-on bear hug- but the nurse stopped her and informed her there would be no hugging because of the Covid. Her eyes lost their luster and her face showed full disappointment.   My heart sank for her, and for me too- there is nothing like a mother’s hug.

She soon changed her reaction to “oh shucks” that’s right- the Covid 19- I’m pretty sure the Russians sent it over here to us.  They have been trying to take over America for as long as I can remember.  

She sat down in her chair and started telling me about her cracked leg, she didn’t know what happened to it- but it’s not broken, it’s only cracked she informed me- matter of factly.   I was only in the hospital for a few days and Granny and Delores dropped me off here- I hope they come back soon to visit.  Note: Granny and Delores have been dead for decades.   She continued telling me what the doctor said, in detail and that he had made another appointment for her in a few weeks.  She stated that she did not write down the date and was looking concerned.  I told her not to worry about it that the doctor’s office would call to remind her.   She went on and on about this for a few minutes- I just listened and to be honest I was fighting back tears the entire time.  Oh my gosh!  How much more of this will she have to endure?   Thank goodness for sunglasses.

She asked me how Gary and the boys were- I took this as she thought I was Jessica- I just answered that everyone was fine, out of school and enjoying the summer vacation.  

She went right into wanting to get an apartment and finding a job.   What do you think I could do Cheryl? I don’t think I want to be a waitress I talk too much and they may not like that.  I’m sure I could find a nice apartment and a place to work in downtown Germantown, this way I could just walk to the store and the library if I need to.

I sat speechless- just looking at her through hat and sunglasses- she could not read my face, or my eyes and I was glad.   This was a tough visit.

After a while the storm was moved closer and the wind had picked up considerably.  I had her push the doorbell so they would come and get her and take her back inside.   I watched her go back inside- then I put the chair back and ran to my car.   The rain felt good- I sat in my car for a few minutes just crying- like a little kid- from the gut up.   The release was wonderful and long overdue.   

I left wondering if this was a one-time thing with Granny, Delores and her leg- or if I would be hearing more of this.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen