I took a vacation to the best place ever!- Majestic Dude Ranch- it was everything I thought it would be: horse back riding, biking, ATV trails, fishing, archery, skeet, human foosball, sun rises, sunsets- the Aspens just starting to turn, star studded night sky- where you could actually see the stars twinkle- and the entire Milky Way. A girlfriend from Ohio and I went and we had the most amazing time. I will spend another week there in a year or two- and if you have a desire to go to a dude ranch- please make this one your destination- you won’t regret it. (-:

Mom might of called a time or two- but I was off the grid and did-not worry about her or anybody else. ( I need to get off the grid more often.) My brother took her calls and the first thing he said to me when I got back was- “how do you do it?” I could only talk to her once each night. Like I said- we all can do different things. (-: He also took care of her on Saturday- getting her out- changing up the laundry- ect.

She’s been good this week- of course it’s the new moon- so things are calm. I look forward to spending time with her on Friday and telling her about my trip. She’s and outdoors girl too- so she’ll enjoy the stories.

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!   I’m having a Charlie Brown moment.     Sigh!

Dorothy has called twice today, and the Full Moon was 4 days ago, LOL- what’s up?

She called me first thing to let me know she was ready to go home.   I listened to her reasoning and told her there was nothing I could do about it today- that I would be there on Friday to help her figure it out.   

It’s noon and she’s calling again- I answer and it’s the same song- so I listen and tell her that she has to figure out a way to make this situation the best that she can- because she cannot go home.  Mom, you are home- and you have to understand that you have it much better than lots of other folks who are in the state ran facilities- who share a room and a bathroom with up to 4 other people.    Look at what you have and embrace it- it doesn’t get any better than this.   She said “yes Cheryl I do have it better than some other people.  But I do not understand why I have to be here, and her song starts from the beginning.

I hate it for her- I cannot imagine what she is going through in these moments- with the exception of being on the other end and hearing it.    

At some point there will be a time when I will say ok- I give.  I can’t do this anymore.  But for now, I totally understand that for some reason – I am to be her person.   The Angels will tell me when it is time to let go.   And I will – it will be hard, but I will.

Mercy is needed for all those suffering with this terrible disease- May God bless them all.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

It’s Full Moon Week and mom is in full bloom.   The calls start earlier, and the confusion is more intense.  Her brain just doesn’t retain anything.  ):  

I have been purging and moving the last few months and I’m just about out of gas.  But I continue to take moms calls- whenever she calls- and help her through the moment of anxiety.   I help get her calmed down and it’s not 15 minutes later she is calling again.   Around and around and around we go.  It seems like it’s never ending- I know one day it will come to an end, but- for now, we just get through it.

I read an article the other day in the AJC about “The renewed hunt for Alzheimer’s cure” by Lauran Neargaard- Associated Press.   The article in my opinion is worthless- they know nothing- they are dumbfounded- they don’t have a clue.  What they thought might be some sort of plaque buildup on the brain was the cause they are now saying isn’t anythibg.  They don’t have a clue. 

  I still believe in my theory that they need to study drunks-  (some) drunks talk around and around and around all night long and most of them don’t remember anything they did the next day.  So, if you can somehow figure out what part of the brain is being “drowned with drunkenness in the state of drunkenness” I believe you have a better chance of figuring out the issue and ultimately the cure for this “insane” disease.

So, if anyone reading this knows any of the researchers please pass on my theory. (-:

As for now I will continue to be there for Dorothy as long as she needs me to be.   Some days are better than others- some days I just sit down and cry after I get off the phone with her.  

Have I said lately how hard this is- and I appreciate the caregivers who can do this with grace, love and understanding.  Thank you!

Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen

It’s another “normal” day in the life of Dorothy -living with Dementia. I hope I never experience her side of this terrible disease. Being her person is hard enough. If it wasn’t for my friends encouraging me to start this blog and “get it out” I’m not sure I would be able to deal with this every day. Thank you ladies! I love you!

Mom is getting along great at the “home”- she is involved with all the “games” and fun things that they do on a daily basis- she even had her toenails painted this week.  (-:   She is using her walker – mostly because she has a seat whereever she goes. (lol)

Everyone tells me how much fun she is to be around and how sweet she is. She is!   This is her nature.  Too bad she can’t remember the fun day she had at 6:15 when she calls me.   All she remembers to do is sing her song.

We went out Friday for our normal Friday Follies- day out.  We went to the “junky store” and she found a sweater that she liked and a cool pair of pink tennis shoes- total out of my pocket $ 9.25 – so worth it.  Now-

I know that she won’t remember that she picked them out – when I get them washed and take them to her, she will just think that I bought them for her.  But that’s ok- I know that in the moment she was “in the moment”.  

Little kids and old folks- one in the same- (-:   innocent-  and it’s a good thing.

Love & Light!

Cheryl Doreen

Mom some calls in the middle of the day- I wonder if she’s confused, or lonely or someone has said something to her to tick her off.

Dorothy has always been an independent woman- self sufficient- her way – kinda lady. ( yes, those of you who know me see where I get it LOLOL) So when she calls in the middle of the day wondering “how my plan is going to get her back home” I wonder what prompted her to reach out to me- her person, who listens.

While she does enjoy sitting outside and walking and as far as I know she is doing this in her daily routine. I wonder if sometimes she has gone outside and all the “good” chairs are gone and she gets frustrated. Or maybe she ordered something for lunch and when it was served to her she said ” what’s this- I didn’t order this” and stormed out of the room.

Anything is possible for the demented. And I am grateful that there are people who have the gift to deal with them 24-7 ( or 365-24 per my grandson).

I answer- ask if everything is ok and listen. That’s all I can do.

Love & Light,

Cheryl Doreen

  I often get asked how I deal with my mom- Dorothy- and the stage of life she is in right now- I usually answer in bullet points:

• YOU have to understand that they are not going to get any better- they are not going to go back to the “normal” person you remember
  • The sooner that YOU can make peace with this- the sooner you will be more at peace with the situation and better able to help them feel loved and appreciated- that’s all they want

• Just be there for them- they need someone to listen to them 
  •  and most importantly agree with them- no matter how “out there” they get- we all need someone we can count on- be that person- for them

• Be prepared to hear hateful things about other family members and friends
  • Remember they know not what they say

• Less is more- when they say something that is not true- “Let It Be” (yes, the Beatles) 
  • It doesn’t matter- be a duck- let it roll off your back- be sure to put them on mute- before you laugh out loud- or cry

• Continue to take them outside- out of the house take them anywhere- 
  • let them order off the menu whatever they way want- it doesn’t matter

• Find a “buddy” who YOU can team up with- someone in the family or a friend- who can deal with the “issues” that you can’t- and vice versa- 
  • This is huge- you will need someone to laugh with and cry with – over this situation- someone who knows exactly what you are experiencing
    • You might not be able to deal with them in person-but you are a perfect listener for them- your “buddy” has different gifts- they might be the one who can go see them- but not pick up the phone when they call

• Did I mention that they just need someone to listen to them?

While everyone’s experience is different – the “just being there” for them is universal- Just do what you can- 

Just “Let It Be!”

Peace & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

Mom calls tonight she has a different verse- same song- but she is talking about onions- not eggs or beans but it was the onions that sent the neighbors over the edge and they told Paul that she was inappropriate- and she ended up where she is.  If you’ve been reading this blog- you will know what I’m talking about. 

 She went on to say that it’s a good thing –she is fine- she can survive on her own- she doesn’t need anyone to tell her what to do.  She’s learned to do what she needs to do where she is- she’s just fine.   But, why should she pay to live there when she has a house- if she has to go to court – she will not have a problem winning- but She doesn’t want to do that- she just want to go back to her house and mind her own business and be left alone and she will be fine.  This has been a good learning experience for her, and she doesn’t need people —she can survive and live her life without having people around her.  She doesn’t want to be dramatic.  She just feels as though she’s served my time and she needs my help getting back to her house.  I need to let her know when I’m available to help. 

She says bye and hangs up the phone.

Sundowners and Dementia are a terrible combination- Dorothy has called four times in the last 2 ½ hours. She’s tired and needs advice as to what she needs to do.  She’s confused, she’d scared, she’s out of it.   She needs to sing her song. But mostly -she just needs someone to listen- and I here for her.

Peace & Love,

 Cheryl Doreen

Sometimes I wonder how Dorothy does it.  Living only in the moment- not being able to remember-from -moment to moment.   It seems to me that most of the time it doesn’t bother her – especially if she’s active with her friends.  When I get her and take her out- she always sings her song- several times- but she also alwaystells me how much she appreciates me coming and getting her out and about.   

I am hopeful that she does not sing her song to her friends all day long.  Or maybe that’s what they do all day – sing to each other. But I doubt it- there is so much going on they do keep busy.

 I can always tell when she has had a bad day- or she’s not ready for it to end.  She sings about getting a lawyer to help her and how unfair it is for her to be where she is.  The intensity in her voice rises on the worst days- and I wonder what’s going on in her mind.   Is her brain hurting?  Is she hallucinating?  Is she in pain?  Or is she just confused?    I wonder if we will ever know what goes on in the minds of the demented.  

Dementia is like a cold- everyone experiences different symptoms.   Some of us can power through the cold and some of us just stop and let it overtake us- until it decides to leave.  Drunks have different symptoms too- some are happy – some are sad- some are violent.  It boggles the mind trying to figure it all out.

I wonder how long she will have to live like this.

Peace & Love, 

Cheryl Doreen

Not much has changed with mom- reread any day you’d like.  (-:     She has called me a few times this afternoon wanting to know where she is and how long she has been there.  I answered her questions with a smile on my face- and she is still confused.    I just roll with it- and you should find a way to do the same.  She’s sick and not going to get any better- this is as good as it gets-and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

I haven’t taken her out to do laundry since her fall- I do it and I do the ironing- and that’s ok- I go see her and we visit, and I listen to her song in person.  She calls me every day- several times- I always answer like it’s the first time and I listen to her sing her song.  She just needs someone to listen- someone to say they will help, someone to lean on. 

 I hate it for her and for the hundreds of thousands of folks just like her.  I hate it for the families.   It is what it is and we do the best we can.

Life is short- enjoy the journey- you never know what will happen to you.

Peace, Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

I can’t express my opinion enough- so here I go again (-:

“If you have a loved one or a friend going through this terrible experience- find a way to be there for them. All they need is someone they know and love- to just be there.  

• Take them for the afternoon and take them to do something they loved to do:
  • Golf or Fishing
  • Find a river bank and watch the river flow
  • Sports event
  • Nail salon
  • Hair dresser
  • Shopping
  • Their favorite restaurant
  • Their favorite bar
  • Junky stores
  • Craft festival
  • Church bazaar
  • Sitting on the front porch with a glass of lemonade ask them about their childhood
  • Take them to a playground and let them watch the little children play
  • Concert or just sit and listen with them to listen to their favorite music
  • Movie theatre

You don’t have to commit to everyday- or even every week- just find the time and help them remember the “good old days”.

The hardest part is remembering that it’s not about you (even though they are driving you crazy) it’s about them.  Be patient with them- they know not -what is going on- but you do. So, remain calm.

You’ll feel exhausted and your heart will be full -and in the moment they will be grateful.

Love & Light,

Cheryl Doreen