It seems that the Dog Days are real- summer is in full force- (I love it!) and the heat of the day added to our daily lives can bring added pressure. Just like a pressure pot- some of us explode. I feel that this is how dementia folks with Sundowners feel- Dog Days of Summer every evening of their lives. )-:

As a caregiver and or family member there is really nothing you can do- except go with the flow. Agree with them- that’s all they want- they won’t remember anyway- so you might as well make them happy in the moment and listen.

When Dorothy calls – sometimes I forget that she’s sick and she’s not going to get any better ( John Mellencamp- “Longest Days”- I’ve probably referenced this one before- but, I like this song. ) and when she’s saying something I know she doesn’t mean- I will break in and interrupt her- and tell her that’s not true. As soon as I do this I know I’ve done the wrong thing. She gets more agitated and confused and sad. I kick myself- in the moment- but I know she won’t remember and she will call again with the same song.

Life is short- even in it’s longest days.

Find a way to just be still- let them erupt. Hard to do – but it’s the best thing for them and you.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

I took mom to the surgeon yesterday for her final follow up to the hip surgery.  When I went to pick her up – she was in the “great room” with everyone else- having a blast.  There was a guitar playing comedian entertaining them and the entire crowd were all full of smiles.

I waited until he was finished and afterhe had walked the entire room shaking everyone’s hand. What a great guy!   I walked up to Dorothy and told her why I was there and asked her where her walker was.  She said- she had no idea.   AAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!    So, I went on the hunt for it.  I even got her key and looked in her room.  It was like a game of hide and seek.  The walker was found- the entertainer had put his things on top of it and it was camouflaged.    We were happy to find and we headed out the door.

We stopped and had Homey Basked Ham for lunch and we had a good visit- mom did not sing her song.  We continued on to the appointment and we were a few minutes early- and them we waited out in the waiting room for 20 minutes.  Then they put us in a room and shut the door and forgot about us (probably not, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt).  I cannot tell you how many times she asked where are we? Or, why are we here? 

We waited and waited- 20 more minutes went by with mom asking the same questions- soon she began getting agitated- so I opened up the door to calm her down.  Patients who checked in after us where being released- and I was just a tad upset.  We sat there another 10 minutes before the X-ray technician stuck her head in and said- “I’ll be right in”.   Well- she took two more folks back and forth (10 more minutes) before she came in to get 

Dorothy.   

Five minutes later she was back in the room- not knowing where she was or why she was there.  And about two minutes later the doctor walked in.  He looked at the x-rays and said-“yep, everything looks good”.  (my question is “how would it look”?  It’s a rod in her femur and pins in her hip- where would they possibly go?)   

 By this time, I was a little frustrated of it being over an hour since we had walked in and she is finally getting some attention.    The doctor is asking herdirect questions- she does not know the answers to them – She is demented!!!!!!   She answers them the way she thinks he wants to hear them.   I final speak up and tell him what she has been telling me and what I have observed- yes, with a smile on my face.   He nods and says 

“everything looks good and to keep on doing your Physical and Occupational Therapy and in a few months, you should be back to normal”. Normal?    SHE will never be back to normal!  AAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!

Not once did anyone take her blood pressure, her temperature or look at her scars or see if there was any swelling with her leg.   I don’t get it.  But, I don’t go to the doctor ( except for once a year for a check up) – thank you God for helping me stay healthy. And Mom doesn’t have to go to the doctor at all- so I’m out of my element in this arena as to what to expected when going to the doctor.   Maybe they don’t do the things they used to do 15 years ago.  But, I remain calm.  Breathe in Breathe out. (-:

Mom is good, happy and seems to be doing just fine.  I am good, happy and doing just fine.   At this point- that’s all that matters.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy calls at 6:15- she’s back to “normal”- she starts her song- I listen till the end.  Then I tell her that I will help her anyway I can to get her out of her current situation.   She is happy to hear this- because -this is what she wants to hear- and she says, “Thank You” and good bye- she hangs up happy.

She calls fifteen minutes later, and I am in the car driving- I answer the phone and she starts singing again- not remembering that she just called.   I listen as she sings and when she gets to the verse of – “there is nothing to do here at this place that Paul has put me” I ask her “who’s fault is that mom- there is plenty of activities to do”?  She blows up- she angrily tells me that she cannot believe that I am afraid of my brother and that I am not strong enough help her- then she hangs up the phone.  I bust out laughing- where is this new line coming from?  

I call my brother and I tell him what just went down- and we talk about not hearing the green bean story or the Easter Egg story anymore and how she has moved on to different tactics.  We laughed and wondered aloud to each other -why and where does this stuff come from?  Even though we know there is no answer to the question.

Fifteen minutes later she calls again.  I answer- and she starts singing- like it’s the first time she’s called me all day. There is a knock at her door.  It’s her friend Stella, she has come to get her to take her to the movie that is getting ready to start in the “great room”.  She tells her  that she is “talking to my daughter” and she’ll be there -in a minute.    When she addresses me again- she says, “what were we talking about?”  I tell her that she was telling me that she was getting ready to go to the movie. She replied oh yes, I gotta go.  Bye!

Sigh!

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

When I pulled into Dorothy’s place, she was out walking with her friend Chuck they were smiling and talking and having a good time. Then she recognized me- and the first thing she said was- “I hope you are coming to take me out of this place”.   Sigh!    There is no way she wants me to know that she is enjoying herself- or her friends.  Why?   Does she think it will upset me to see that she is having fun?  HUMMMMM   I don’t worry about it- but it is interesting.  

I did take her out of “that place” and she did surprisingly well with getting in and out of the car and walking to and fro.  Again, having dementia helps you heal quicker- because you don’t remember why you hurt.   As soon as they figure out the disease- they can turn this part of the brain off so we can heal quicker- then turn it back on when we are healed.  You would think that someone would be all over finding a cure- it has so many opportunities for advanced medicine and whatever else they can think up. 

I took her to the “junky” store, and she enjoyed looking at everything.  I did let her out at the front door with her walker and picked her up there- so she wouldn’t have to walk too much.    Then we went to lunch at Folks for a Cheeseburger- she was so excited! They actually make the best hamburgers.   There was a 16-month-old little boy that kept her entertained- I was very thankful for the break- she sings her song almost the entire time I’m with her.  (-:

We finished the day at Walmart- she goes through about a tube of toothpaste a week- and about ¼ of a jar of face cream.   She doesn’t remember if she just put the cream on- or if she has just brushed her teeth.   But I guess this is better than not doing it at all.  (-:  

I took her back to her place and I’m hoping she took a nap- I sure could have used one- LOL.    She called a few hours later  asking “just wondering when I was going to come and get her out of this place”.    Sigh!  I responded with- “maybe tomorrow mom”.

Every day is a good day!

Love & Light!

Cheryl Doreen

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Mom called me at noon yesterday- It’s the full moon on the rise- as you know- it’s a tougher time. She couldn’t find her sheets- (I had gone on Saturday and changed them and took the dirty ones with me.) She said that someone had come into her apartment and took them. ” Why would they do that Cheryl?” I calmly told her that the maids had probably come in and cleaned her room and had taken them off to wash them. She agreed with me and wondered when they were going to bring them back.    I told her that I would call and check on them and call her back.  

Dorothy and I have been doing her laundry on Fridays for as long as she has been there. This changed when she fell, and I’ve been managing it without her. I will admit—-I do iron her clothes- and I do not get the enjoyment out of it that she did. LOL!   On occasion the staff does go into her room to gather her laundry to wash. They do this as a service to everyone- (it’s included in the cost)- so, I was hoping that this was the case with the “missing sheets”.    I called and talked to them and told them that mom was confused about her sheets and when someone had the time, if they could go help her figure it out.  

I did not call her back- I knew she would call me- and she did.   She did not ask about the sheets- she started singing her song right away.   After a few verses I broke in and ask her if she found her sheets.  She had no idea why I was asking the question.   I asked her what sheets she had on her bed – she responded with “well the flannel ones”- the other ones are dirty.    I respond “dirty?”   and she said, yes, I changed them this morning.   Sigh! And besides Cheryl, it’s so cold in here the flannel sheets are much better.

I wonder how much longer I will be doing her laundry- it might be time to let that go.

Thoughts?

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

Dorothy broke her ankle about 10 years ago and we had gotten her a walker with wheels, brakes and a seat- which lifts up and there is a carry bag underneath.  It’s the Cadillac of walkers- LOL I took it to her yesterday and she was really excited.  She took it for a spin, and she remembered how to set the break so it wouldn’t move when she needs to turn around and sit down on it.   I took her other walker – hospital issued- to her room and left it there just in case she likes it better.    When I came back out, she was showing it off to one of her friends.  Most of them with walkers have the Cadillac model- and her friend was excited for her.  She fits right in with the “in” crowd- plus if she goes to sit outside and there aren’t any chairs- she can sit and visit with her friends.   

We visited for a while with each other and with another couple that was sitting outside- a husband and wife.  The wife told me how much she enjoys talking to Dorothy and that sometimes mom is really good- and others not so good.  She informed me that her husband doesn’t remember anything either.  She said that they have been married for 45 years and that he doesn’t remember it- he thinks she is his girlfriend.   My heart immediately broke for her- I can’t imagine my best friend, lover, husband not knowing who I was- not remembering our life together.   Wow!  I can’t imagine the pain and suffering and loss she is feeling every time she comes to see him. Talk about pain and suffering.  )-:

Dementia and Alzheimer’s suck!    I pray that she has the guidance, strength and support to go through this journey.   I will make a conscious effort to look her up every time I’m there and check on her to see how she is.  

Remember- “Everybody needs somebody to lean on” The Traveling Wheelburys.  Be there for someone.

Light & Love,

Cheryl Doreen

It’s the weekend! Everyone loves the weekend- except old folks in old folks’ homes- the days just run together. And they really don’t have anything exciting to look forward to.  They are out of their comfort zone and confused and mad.  I hope I do not end up the same way- but I’m pretty sure I will.  (-:

Paul and I went on Saturday to visit mom- she was sitting outside when we pulled up.  She recognized us and smiled big. She was sitting by herself and we sat down beside her for a visit.   I had brought her clean laundry and decided to go ahead and take it to her room and get the dirty ones and change her sheets.  When I walked into her room I was met with the “old peoples smell” I couldn’t believe it- you know the smell I’m talking about- it’s as noticeable as a new born baby’s smell.  I was literally heartbroken- I knew this smell was inevitable- but I wasn’t prepared for it.   Sigh!    I cleaned up her room, gathered her clothes- which she had hung in the strangest places- and put clean sheets on her bed.  I’m sure I will stop doing this routine now that she cannot do it with me.  But-I’ll hang on to it for a while.   

I went back outside, and I asked her to show me the new sidewalk that goes around the building.  It’s actually a great walk- it’s not complete- it’s work in progress – but it will be very nice to go visit her and take her for a walk.  The back and one side look out over the woods and it will be very nice to sit there this fall and watch the trees change.   There is a garden back in the back courtyard that has been unattended for several years. If mom is doing good next spring, I will go purchase some flowers and maybe a tomato plant or two and we can work on the garden when I visit.   The days of taking her out and about will be fewer and farther between.  

Maybe I can convince some of moms’ friends to go on a walk or help with the garden.  Or maybe it’s too late.  Either way it goes, I’m ok with it- I know I’ve done all I can for Dorothy.

Life is good!

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

Life!  I love it!   Somedays it’s glorious and somedays not so much.   If you just stop go outside sit still for 30 minutes- more or less- and breathe -take in all that is surrounding you- you will soon realize that you do not have any problems. All the stress, frustration and bullcrap of the situation, the day, the moment-just seems to fade away.  Problems come in all shapes and sizes- people you work with, things you want to control- but can’t, too much noise, not enough noise, sitting on hold waiting on a live person to talk to- only to be put on hold again, trying to communicate to someone who doesn’t want to listen, not enough money, not enough time, kids, partners, parents – and the list goes on.

So, when life gets to heavy- go outside, sit on a rock, a chair- lean against a tree, sit in a comfortable deck chair or the relaxing hammock- sit by a stream and put your feet in and let the water rush over them- or just turn on the garden hose.  Find someplace to just escape and enjoy life without the daily drama or frustrations.  Nature= life.   Or maybe go outside at night and watch the fireflies, look at the stars, listen to the treefrogs and crickets.

Whatever it is- make time to do it. Yourself will thank you.

Also, encourage your loved one to do the same, or better yet take them- to the park or the back yard or the park- or just drive along a waterway and find a spot to pull over- or just take them to the front porch.   Get them outside- everyone likes it outside.

Love and Light,

Cheryl Doreen

My two grandboys and I – along with my brother went today to see mom.  When we pulled up – she was sitting out front in her favorite spot. She was so happy to see us- a huge smile overtook her face.  We hugged her and visited for a while- then the boys and I went to her apartment and gathered her dirty laundry.  They had a fun time seeing all of Grams’ things. 

The oldest grandson played a tune on the piano in the great room and froze up after that- I think it was just stage fright.  I was so proud of him – playing in front of “old” people can be overwhelming.  Dorothy was so proud to have her great grandsons there and she was telling anyone who would listen who they were.  (-:  It was good to see her happy.  Everyone enjoyed the boys and they were very nice and polite and talkative.  

Her rehab is going good and she pretty much does what she used to do- a curse and a blessing -dementia gives us.  She still calls me each night with the same song- I just listen and I wonder if I did the right thing by letting the phone be.  We will see.

Love and Light!

Cheryl Doreen

Mom seems to be settling back into her “home” just fine. She’s still confused and can’t remember anything. But- it is… what it is.  I was struggling on whether or not to let her keep the phone or to make it disappear.  I decided to let her keep it- she only calls at night- and if that is the loneliest time for her -then I can suck it up and be there for her a little while longer.

She did call me Friday night and was totally confused.  So, I calmly explained it to her again what, why, when and where she is now.   The toughest part is listening to her cry- she doesn’t do it very often-but, when she does it’s difficult.  I keep telling myself that this is the last gift I can give her- the gift of being able to reach out and someone being there.

I went to visit her on Saturday- and she answered the door withouther walker.  I was so upset with her, I went to her bedside and got it and brought it to her and told her that she could not – under any circumstances go anywhere without it.     She looked at me and had tears in her eyes and said, “why can’t I remember”.   Then I felt like crap- so I hugged her and told her how proud I was of her and how far she has come from her fall and broken hip.  And how important it was for her to TRY to remember to use the walker- or she would end up back in bed all the time.   

Once she calmed down, I told her I had come to take her out for Ice Cream.  Happiness came over her face and she was ready to go.  We had a good visit and a good outing.  I took her back and her friend Chuck was sitting out front. She wanted to sit with him, so we did.  I did not stay long.  I left knowing that she was going to be ok.

Love & Light,

Cheryl Doreen